Colour up my Paradise

Problems

2006-01-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

Problems seem to be every single soul's daily routine. Either Family, Money, Love, Friends or Job. What I have been seeing around recently will be Money and Love. Just got a call form my friend and you know who you are on shockign news I heard. I just never understood why keeping things and hiding things and wait till the opp. party find out then start to worry. Why are we humans always born this way? Why do we always try to resort things to the easiest path by keeping and hiding it and only pray hard enough that this will never be found out forever as though buried under your backyard.

When things are dug up, all we can do is to say sorry not seeing how much hurt and harm it can bring. It may cause a forever scare that can never be healed again. I do not deny that I am an extremist for such things. Neither will I deny I am once like that. I did some1 wrong before and hide it as much as I can. I too resort to the faster and "save trouble" way to hide and avoid it forever. In the end, it was known I did not know what to react what to do. All I could rememeber is I have not spoken to the person ever since till half a yr ago.

Yet God is fair, wht comes round goes round I guess, I was in the opp. shoes just a year ago, I remmeber clearly it was 15th Nov 2004, found out horrible truth, felt cheated and hurt. that pain was so painfulo that cannot be describe. I remembered reading this mail, that a father asking his son to screw all the nails into his house fences, and after that taking it out. holes were left there and can never be mend. It just let us understood that the hurt you and I brought to anyone is something that cannot be mend and is an everlasting hole. It became true for me. I did not hate him in anyway neither am I hung over that situation anymore. I may never forget but neither will I want to cause I wanted to be reminded how much pain it had brought me and remind me not to do that to others.

What is most saddening now is that there are people who just simply do not understand this fact at all that how much permanant pain it can bring and understood that it may one day be come oyu life where you yourself is the victime. Not trying to pinpoint at anyone, but just wanna let you guys know, be truthful to yourself and to others. Cause the amount of hurt you have brought unintentionally or intentionally may be permanant truama to the person. Seriously, I think these are the people who deserve serious sympathy. Surprise? Not at all, cause the true meaning of life is to learn to forgive and forget but before you know how to do that , try not to let others to forgive you and forget what you have done, and yet a lot of peopel in the world just forgotten or just lost it in the midst of the air, they practically lost it in their lives and meaning of living.

So why not take a step back and try start thinking have you ever lie or hurt someone recently? if you have why not just say a simple sorry rahter then letting be permanantly there forever, that trying to amend the hole while you can.

Great Achievement!

2005-12-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

It was a long run for all four of us but we have COMPLETED! So proud of myself that I did not stop at all fo the whole ten click! Woo hoo~ was shiok and eventful. The sad part? I caught a cold after the run. Dunno why either. guess I do not have enough water in my body thats why.

Do try for thr run next yr! Is worth the challenge. Some event you will treasure. Test your endurance and peseverance.

Wanna go for the run next yr in 2006 too but sad to say, most probably I will not be around in Singapore but in US due to studies. Shall see how it goes.

Played mahjong at Cindy place after the run, and the guys lost terribly as they have not won a single game, exp for 1 i think. Worse of all these two men kept blaming the fact that it isnt their territory, as is the west siders thats why. How pathetic. WAHAHAHAHA~ ok kidding for the last word pls do not get offended.

On sat, went to watch Chix Little. Pretty ok I gave a 3 out of 5 stars. I still find Finding Nemoa beta movie compared to it. I like the ailen with three eyes though. SO ADORABLE. ok I know like probably 3 out of 10 people may not know what I am talking about (oh yah the 3 are, Cin, Ben and Dan), but watch it so you will know. Chill man chill~~

After that Met up with Lyn n Laine n suprisingly George as we met him when he was doing so event at suntec. Went to eat swenson and I ate the Chirstmas special. Was good though. Too bad Amanda din come in the end. Praying hard and wishing that everythign will be just fine for her.

After Swenson we went Paulaners for some drink. end early as we have a run to do which *ahem* I mention earlier on. if you dunno what I am talking abt *knock on the head* please go read the first few paragraph.

Just last week we went East Coast park for cycling. The gers were not free as either still having exam or was not feeling well. Off we went, and took some artistic or tried to be artistic at bedok Jetty. The sun was actually really bright so we are trying hard to open our eyes while the photo is taken. Hehehe~

I know Elaine also went to cycle the following week guess all of us had fun in cycling. Oh yah

and where the hell is RARA missing in action. Guess got gf basically dont need us anymore. We do not exsist! What are frens for? Hiaz.. how sad. hehehe~

Alrights I gotta stop here. I need my dinner. I am so hungry. only drank milo and a few pieces of biscuit since morning till now. Ciaoz~

Bless all who are troubled and sad. May GOD bless all!

I got It FINALLY!

2005-11-08T15:02:00.000+08:00

Yoz!

I am finally an official Class 3 Driver from 4th November onwards at about 1430 hours. Hahaha! So glad that is over and I manage to pass. Although is not that fantastically done with 16 points deducted, at least I manage to pass it thru once! Finally able to be the 3rd person in RSCEL team to be an official driver. So cool! Well it wasnt easy as it would be coz half way through the open road I really tot I would have fail all thanks to the tester who keeps niaming beside me while I drive. Cant he have the consideration that I am so gan cheong like spider?

Tester: "Why must I always tell you to go then you go? You got to do it yourself not when I tell you to do so?"

Me: "Yes, Sir" *sian1/2*

Tester: "How can you stop so near the car in front of you? what if someone knock you from the back do you think you will benefit from it?"

Me: "Sorry Sir." *demoralise*

*When turning into the driving center, the car stop as motorist learners pass thru the main road. Trying to move off, worse thing happen........ I STALLL!!!!*

Tester: "How can you stall?! Step not enough on the accelarator huh?"

Me: "....................." *pRONouced DEAD*

*Back to the waiting room*

Tester: "You know whats wrong with you?"

Me:*knodding head*

Tester: "First you dunnno how to move when needed, second stop so near the car in front of you lastly how can you still stalll your car till today? Do you knoe I can fail you? Let me see ah........"

*starts counting the points*

Tester: "Make sure you drive properly next time ar"

*the final stroke onto the PASS column*

Me: "Thank you Sir, thank you" *sparkle in the eyes*

The joy of seeing him ticking the pass is so undescriable man. But just glad is over, no more $200 over dollars a month of fees to pay anymore so happie. start clearing debts that I have own. Like Cindy I owe her like about $20 dollars or so. Relax in my work days! YEAH!! gonna miss the computer exhibition coz having exam for that week too. what a waste of earning money.

Upcoming will be Lynette and Kenneth Birthday, in advance HAPPIE BIRTHDAY to both of you! in case my laziness set in again and not write anythign onto my blog by the time their b-day comes. Hahaha! celebrating this coming friday. Too bad "Belinda" aka Ben will not be here as he is still in Australia seeing trees and weird animals, we will still have fun!! HAHAHA sound so mean but stay happie and be happie isnt that what everyone suppose to do?

Let me present you people my Uni class mates! took a photo before our Uni Lect left. Everyone looks tired as lot of use burn a lot of midnight oil before that day due to massive assignements to be done and handed in. Mystic shadow at hte side of the photo as our Lect's Fren she aint any IT savvy or else they wont be using a Flim camera instead at eh right bottom corner of the pic is their camera. So pardon the photography skills.

Me ME MOI!

2005-10-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi!!

Arent you all excited to see me back here FINALLY!! Wahahaha~!! OK OK I have been really really busy recently as majority have realise. As I have not been meeting up with them for kinda long period of time. I think the last time was at Elaine's B-day which I only slept for 2 hrs the day before due to work and school. Though been stress over about it, but is pretty fulfilling.

Well, been "reminded" and "motivated" to update my blog finally by Danny, as he himself created a blog for himself so I was thinking I beta do my job to update since many have complain and how can I leave my loyal fans disappointed if there are any.

Is been really long since I have any 8 hrs of full sleep for at least for the past one month. Especially when I start working at Mind Cafe. Not because they ill-treat me do not be mistaken. Just too many thigns been going on that handling it seem too much for me. Get it? If dun then forget it, not important anyway.

So if people wanna look for me to do some catching up, try finding me at Mind Cafe every Fri or sometime Sat at night till 3am. Opp. Paradiz Centre and diagonally behind Mr. Bean if you wanna noe where. Nice place to hang out healthtily rather then pubbing (That refer to George especially if he EVER read my blog, that cheonger getting older and suck up by his cigerttes and liqour soon)

Is another week of WORK WORK WORK WORK and my DRIVING EXAM. If you have not been updaitng urself about mylife (how could you!), my manual driving practical exam is next Fri 4th Nov. I am scared man! eSPECIALLY when my bloody turning just dun seem right and the bloody circuit so smal and narrow. I just cannot funciton properly in small and compact areas. I dun wanna waste money so people please help me by pryaing hard for a one time pass for me.

How do you people handle stress? Been so stress up over about money and especially money for me as all my expenses depend on me and also my bills and driving classes. It gets too tight that I cannot breathe. Sighz. Not complaining or whatsoever. Just all these mental worries gets so stress up that I cannot breathe that I wanna give up.

So how do people de-stress. People get skinny when they stress for me, is the otehr way wrong I eat more and get so much fatter!! Argghh!!! BAD SIGN!!!

K k la Stop here first tired le gonna go to my dreamland!! Ciaoz!!

I am Broke!

2005-09-06T18:16:00.000+08:00

Hi hi!

Finally my nightmare is over. Just finish my politics exam like two days back. A full complete nightmare for me last week. DO nothing but slog at home to study (but ended up wathcing Tv) and going for tuition. But luckily, my Redhill kid wants tot ake a break so I was off loose that week with only two dys of tuition then the usual 4 days. *phew*

Well the paper was not as difficult than I expected, but neither did I did well. As again telling myself to have a new resolution of study hard for the next upcoming module. Hahaha~ self-decieving. Ever since Poly since when does this work for me. Hmm..... like never been xia.

Well the hardworking ME went straight to work @ Comex Suntec City after my exam with in between eating a Ebi Rice burger at Mos with Shaun crapping with me about some nonsense. Lucky for me, becoz the momeent i step into Suntec City it rained so heavily. and I did not got a single drop of rain.

But my sales was not as lucky only sold like 5 on that day where luckily one of it is Clinton who came to buy laptop and I got him I htink was a pretty good deal from the company I am working for. the other four was waited for so long speaking for hours till throat is so dried up and legs so tired. bad choices of shoes that day as I wore the adidas slipppers, not that is uncomfortable is relaly good but dun have ankle support which makes me ankle and knee (old injuries) real pin a after that.

Went to watch RED EYE with Elaine x 2 and Lynette x 2 @ great world city. Was kinda late to meet up with Lyn and kenneth so we ended taking a cab there. The show was pretty ok but not worht $9.5 why? coz is only slightly over an hr show. so how worht it is worth it. story ocncept was only so so coz the exicting scenes were that minimum. Overated thats all I can say.

Then came Sunday which was suppose to rech at 1115 at Suntec but as usual the old birds like me and elaine cnnot be bother and we onyl reach at 1200. not becoz we are old birds we dare to be late is just that it serve no purpose. Talking abt the show theres these two gers we met at the show who were much younger than us. Think they were about 18. serious got problem. sales to them like want their lives as if we talked to their potential customers they would give us black face as if we offfended them. But who cares coz in the end they stirve like no one biz working all day long but got only 1 more set more than me and elaine. hahaha Sales is about skills and technique not about you striving hard to talk to whoever you can!

Now I am stuck at SMU waiting for the da xiao jie Elaine to ocme out to go work. Before that, we were at PS doing Express Mani/Pedicure ech $22. Need to dote self after beig toture for one full week. So bored. nothing to do now coz I am so unfarmiliar abt the palce here I dunno where to go man. and she is not out yet which she suppose to by now. DIE late for work again! as usual.

Kk i stop here now. need to go find the toilet serious needed it.

Ciaoz!

Birthdays!

2005-08-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi, back here again to post my precious thoughts AGAIN! haha! OK first and foremost let me wish the following people a Happie but BELATED BIRTHDAY.

Leonard
John
Ryan
Kurt
Bernard a.k.a Sis's BF

I know is late but is beta then never, but half of it wouldnt even know i posted their wonderful names in my blog. But Watever. Well, sorry folks no photos posted up for now. Why? Simple, on my B-day, we used Ryan and Ben Camera but apprantly none of them did any uploading after for like one FULL week. Well, as everyone knoes, Rara is so in his in love mood that he forget his fren, ME. MEANIE! got GF forget old frens liao. thats the way he do things. you good.

Wait before Rara start scolding me why I never reprimand Ben well I am going to now, where he is dunno plain lazy or forgetful that no pictures was sent out to me at all. whats going on with guys man. Well, never forget to compliment the efficient work of Lynette on her task in uploading the pictures. Still waiting for her to Zip it up to send to me instead of downloading one by one and then change them from a bitmap to JPEG.

Well disppointed that Laine and Kenny cannot make it for the Bangkok trip but never mind is ok I can understand why as Kenny is budget tight due to his tirp to Hong Kong. Never mind we will have next time. Theres always a chance!

To track my stuffs I have only 3 weeks before my exams and my assigments. Boy am i lackign of time. gotta start do man I am getting cold feet. why coz is about politics that I know nuts about!! oh man! I wish for miricles now man. Arghh!!!!!! HELP!!!

OK OK, gotta stay cool man. Got heat up with a lot of stuffs recently esp with Ben due to the trip. Just do not understand where is the frank-ness and being direct is in a relationship. Dun wanna talk much about anymore. Just PISSED!

SteamBoat!

2005-08-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

Ah Nette and Ah Neth

Ah laine and Ah Ny

Ben n I.
Taken after food, I think all of us look tired. Signs of aging? *gasp*

This is during the seamboat session. The place is pretty old but cooling coz it was a aircon shopping centre.

This was the after effect of wat we have eaten. Kinda gross but it was absolute yummy!

Photos~

2005-08-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Thats actually George Burger, but elaine n I ate teh same juz single patty, looks yummy?

This are the side orders, the Onion rings, Criss-cut Fries and the Fried zochinni?? (dunno how to spell)

Doesnt this looks so American?

Food makes you FAT!

2005-08-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

Hi hi, well well first n foremost my tagboard is up again!!! After much trial and error I manage and let me emphasize is MYSELF I solve it all by myself HAHA so proud of it, that I found what is the problem. But do remember to leave some msg to me ok? I know i seldom reply but I will ok cross my heart.

Anyway, been as usual bz with my stupid politic module which till now where is end of the lectures I still have the slightest idea on wats going on. Worse of all I have exam, just pray hard enough this will not affect my Results. but watever~ no point being so panicky not gonna help.

Well, met up with George, Elaine and Kenny on Friday for dinner at Carl's Junior, at the average of $9 per person, they really serve big burgers BUT with really great standard. They serve good cirss-cut fries, I like it a lot. Elaine say she heard from the forum that the Ice-lemon tea is good. Well they dun serve formt he machine rather similar to Mac Donald, where is freshly brewed tea, then u put ur own lemon and sugar syrup. No JOKE man and wats more is refillable. But too bad that day we went we waited real long for it as theres no more tea left in the big tin, and apprantly they were too busy to refill it.

Wanted to post the burgers pictures but have not been able to speak to elaine online eversince sat, so could not get the photos of it yet. So probably can get it from elaine's blog to see how big the burgers are. Me and elaine ate single patty while george and kenny ate like double patties, real full and FAT after that. hahaha~

On sat, Met up with Ben, doing nothing the howle day coz the xBOX was being "terrorise" by his younger brother but cannot really blame him coz he is only allowed to play during the weekends so he will capture every oppunity to play it. Then in the evening We went to meet elaine, kenny, lynette and kenneth for steamboat at Golden Mile. The food was good though. Not fantastic but good enough. REALLY. coz is like $13.30 per person inclusive of drinks. isnt it worht the value? haha~ furthermore it was a good day for steam boat coz it was such cold day due to raining.

Then we went to Can Cafe at bugis for some dirnks which is REAL ex. well in a way, coz the drinks worth about the beers sold there. We plyed six people Daidee with roles inclusive. Wats more we met up with John coz we happen to "catch" him eating steamboat oppisite Can Cafe. Do some REAL short catchign up with John about the changes in his life. Well as wat changes I leave it to him, is his life I udn think is nice of me to post it up here to tell people when is his life. And also people who read my blog arent they more interested about my life than anyone else? wahahah~ wooo~~ EGO~ CRAPZ.

Alright stop here for now. I wanna watch my re-run of DA CHANG JIN, so obsessed with this show man. This Korean hsow is good. The props the chracters are all taken care of so well and so detailed. Go watch everynight 7PM at sTARHUB cABLE Vision Channel 55 or 1230am for the re-run. IS SO ADDICTIVE. oKIE STARTS NOW ciaoz!!

2005-07-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

The bottom pics ARE MISTAKEs, was testing out to post the pics, via bloogger. Anyway these are pics from WAYNE chua b-day.

Time to Write

2005-07-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

Wow wow, its been like 1 month since i last wrote in my blog. Well well, sorry folks, the truth is that i have been LAZEE. I dun deny it. But here m I again. Back in Action!! HAHA!! hopefully it will last by writing more. Lost of motivation and ideas to write stuffs I guess. Nothing inspirational to write though, rather tonnes of complains.

Well, I started school AGAIN about 2 weeks back on a subject I sux most a.k.a. Politics. Wanna know what make things worst? It was about or I should say it is abt since i am still studying on it, US and some other countries like United Kingdom, Nigeria etc. how FUN can this be isnt it?

Well well, I am hardly passing by what is going on at this point of time. Din score that well in quizz and my Prof seem to enjoy some hoo haa english that can swipe his feet off in our reports which is something I doubt I ever be able to do it in anywya. So lets cross our fingers that I will scrap with a low B by the time exams are over.

Ok ok, lets talk about some happy stuffs, that is my birthday!! yay!! THATS o fast. Time really flies man, and to think abt it it may mean bad. Why? Coz i m getting like OLD!! and not enough time to earn $$$ TO ENJOY LIFE!!! argghh~~~ *panic* ok ok purely crap.

Like I said been, these current few years have broguht me to a new perspective of my life. So if you dun, is a wake up call now and find it. Especially when you realise you got no idea who you are all along like maybe in the last 20 somethings years? If you found it good for u if you dun find it. Is dman sad when you realise you dun. I start to realise how sad and ke2 bei1 (I have no diea how to say it in english) when I realise some pple just cannot even find themselves probably they are just afraid how horrifying, incapable they may be? I dunno, to me these are some pple who is full of themselves thinking that they are the centre of the world not knowing that is they themselves are the worse among anyone in the world just that they did not want to face the reality of how fragile and brittle they may be and they rather remain in their so-called reality world. If you have frens like that, give them a kick in their ass n get them to wake up. is beta to knoe now than till the day you died that you dun even noe who they are.

Anyway time to update pple on what I have been doing like for the past one month. First and foremost, is still schooling and tuition. Been tuitioning like 5 times a week and studying. Completely losing my in my leisure time. But is ok, keeping myself occupied may not be a bad thing. Other then that is a once a week of horrifying driving. I start to think that I may not be the right person to be driving. I dunno. Recently screw up probably not enough sleeping for the past few days. I drove in super narrow road, like the famous 13 turns and the road in Holland village that leads out to Coronation SHopping Centre. Kept stalling and the fact is that is either i turn too much or too little. DAMN!

Anyway yesterday went to KTV at Orchard Party World with Ben, Cin, Ah man, Lyn, Rara, Stett and Kenneth. Was dman crap becoz rara and Stett was listening to Ben's iPOD on some retro songs and started doing all the retro moves. worse of all Ben followed!!!! i CANNOT BELIEVED IT. He knoes more than I do. This shows whos the gd kid and who isnt. hahaha! but in anyway, had fun, too bad lyn and kenneth left earlier, but it was ok, they have not been spending time as lyn was so busy with her Uni stuffs for the past two weeks. Hope they hve fun like we do yesterday! Although I was snezzing like crazee that night, it was still fun, miss out some fun with the gers in fighting "volume" witht he guys singing "Zhi zhao Lang man". HAHA and also Rara and Stett start singing in a funny manner with different songs. Crapz! WELL at the end of it all of us were so tired esp me coz FYI i was studying in the morning went to meet ben in the afternoon where we said we wanna go cycling but I fallen ill with a cold so ended up playing xBox thorughout and then dinner and KTV with them. but overall it was fun. OH oh one things to compliment Rara, he finally makes the initiative in asking us out! HAHAHA!! good job and welcome to the "organiser" club. TOO bad ah laines din come sighz! oh oh I called kenny last night, to ask him to join us coz he has the gold card wanna to ask for discount and he din even bother to call back~ haiz~~ but luckily Ben met his soccer fren and he gave us staff discount. Thanks Ben's fren! wE HAVE ASK bEN TO LET YOU HAVE 1 ball during you soccer match if you two ever play togather!

Ate the biscuit? dunno is it call a biscuit from Rara which he brought back from Taiwan, (he came back one piece safe and osund oh oh I admit I was one of those who mention who din ask him how is he. Hey bro, tell u the truth I got no idea abt the typhoon till I saw Elaine's blog and by the time I know a bit late lar). Is call "president biscuit" in chinese, nice taste like the one my sis brought back but this one is in green tea flavour instead of red bean. Thanks for the key chain and the flower pot too!

Ok I will stop here I htink I went a bit too long. So signing off!!!!

Complications

2005-06-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

Been feeling much beta these few days, I noe my tagboard is not appearing. I have been trying for like the past one hour I cannot seem to get it right. so Damn IT! I am very irritated by it so give me some time probably after my exams then I will change and update again yah?

Went out with the usual few on Sat and Sun. Sat morning went to meet up with Benjamin who is such an "Angel" (treasure it u will never see this compliment AGAIN) to accompany me to Eunos area for some famous MincE PORK noodles which is just beside the Beach road Prawn Mee, which *Sighz* the place me and Eugene often go after church. The noodles were good but not enough vineger for me, although Ben kept saying is enough and too much will become Vineger Noodles. Wanted to ask Lyn out to fulfil my promise to her on taking her to the Beach Road Prawn Mee but apparantly her ZzZzZ spells have won the battle and I did not get her to wake up after much trying to call her form 12 plus to about 2pm.

In anyway I met Lyn and went to meet up with the Gers and Guys, what got me irritated was the MRT where we were chased out of the train not giving any reasons and we waited for 4 trains before we can finally reach CITY HALL. and be late for 1 whole hour.

Went to Esplanade there for some "high end" hawker food, cheaper than I tot though but it was pretty good. then to ZEE 10 and have a chat of differences in views between man and woman. Worse of all, I ended up with a 100 m dash to catch the last bus to reach home without taking any cabbie.

Then Sunday came with a long long wait at Habour Front, where Cindy overslept and LyN only came hrs later. Poor Ah man, waited for so long ffor all of us. Met XS at Sentosa, ended up talking crap with him. We played Volleyball where Cindy lost and ended up in the sea with not much difficulties since she wants to get wet sooner or later. Then we played touch rugby where poor ah man got "scolded" by the three "Men" namely, Rara, Wayne Chua, Kenneth, coz she kept making mistakes but it was her 1ST time. Then it was friskbi netball game. At the end of the day, we went to play pool at Bukit Timah, but suprisingly, for once Men were more than Women. Why? Ah man n laine went home and Cin has a party to attend that left with Lyn n Me.
Have a long chat with Lynette on what have been going around me, my life, my thinking. Felt very troubled and worried what will my feelings tell me when I told her what has happen recently. Lets just cross our fingers nothing goes wrong. *cross fingers*

The most entertaining part was RARA was being completely trash by Kenneth in the pool game by not having any balls into the holes. *poor rara*.

Felt proud of myself coz I went home by public transport while others took cab, coz we were all very VERY tired. Well, I no longer have such luxuary, due too many reasons. so self-discipline me went home by BUS.

Slept really late that night as have a long chat with Ben, thanks man, din felt gd and was worried about exams and spoke to him for pretty long although most of the time we were acting childish. Superdy crap.

My father's Luo Han is dying, what is suprising is I felt sad and find it really poor thing. Hope it could die faster as I cant help thinking it is suffering, its skin start shedding and kept swimming upside down but breathing. Dunno why a sadness was within me when I went over to check the fishy out, and seeing the skin shedding. How vulnerable loife can be isnt it. On Sat it was still swimming healthily next, on Sun when I came home I realise it starts to swim weirdly. Today it is swmming upside down and shedding skin.

Felt humans are like that too, where cancer, and diseases start attacking our body, can complete change our lives and next moent we knoe we are at the operation theatre or in some radioactive theraphy. Or worse, facing the struggle of life and death on bed.

*Sighz*

Stuck on Him

2005-06-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

Tonnes of words, tonnes of grumble, tonnes of questions, tonnes of Nos. Just having a simple life that is yet so complicated. Feel so stuck on him, I prayed I keep myself occupied. Everything I can do to just get him out of mind. Never felt this way in my life. I just wish he never entered my life all along but yet thank GOD for letting him coming into my life to let me know how is like when you really love someone.

But yet GOD seem to be playing games with me. He kept letting me see things unintentionally that revovles between times I had with him, situations, songs and scenes repeating that relates directly back to him. I ask GOD times what is HE trying to tell me. Telling me that there are still possibility with him or testing me out to stop getting stuck on him? Whichever it is, it just sux.

I really wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to all the people who had been by my side all the time. One will be Alan who has always been there for me all the time as and when I needed him to be there for me. He has been a great emotional support for me. Thanks Bro. I noe I have irritate you somehow or another with the stinky temper of mine, and you took it.

Also all the couples who I have been crashing in their two world life for these period of time and yet they still do not mind. And of coz my other frens who have been there for me in emotional support all these while. What you all have done I have taken into my heart, thousand Thank you cannot say how much I appreciate all the things.

I just hope I can get over and done with it really. A lot of thigns have happen that make me realise even more that I really have put a lot into the relationship that I became overbearing. it takes two hands to break a bunch of chopsticks. Remember that in a relationship, when it turns sour there must be a reason on your own side why it had became sour. Just reasons can differ. I have understand why our relationship turn sour but nothing can turn back now. I want Loving a man to be out of my life, I only want to love GOD, love family and love friends. Is too tough for me now, I cannot take anything or any blow. Just so vulnerable that I cannot handle. Not now for I know. Such games are simply not for me, not now definately.

Just went to sign up on some voluntary organisation to keep my life to the fullest. Been wanting to do some helping especially in troubled youths. Or else why do you think I iwll take up Mentoring and mediation courses during my school days. I dunno what came over me to sign up. I guess is time to do whatever I feel like doing. Stop the "just say dun do" stupid fuck up attitude and move on. Driving I have done it lets pray hard enough I pass on NOV!! Everyone pray hard for me yah? Then I can temp pay a small fee to my sis godbro for rental of his car since he got suspended from driving and his car is manual. *dreaming* Thinking too much.

Hope each day will pass to be a beta day! GOD bless everyone. I luv you all!!!

The Art of Letting Go

2005-05-10T14:02:00.000+08:00

As many of my close frens have known by now what have happen and what was the ending. I din exactly came at the right time though, I am currently mugging for my exam which is this friday. Dying out of it. Always losing concentration, just go blank and simply cannot think of what I wanna do. Heart still hurts a lot, as time goes by it seem tougher and tougher. Kept telling myself as long as this is over I will be fine and life will be a much better.

I dunno whether this is decietful or wat but it aint easy, I dunno what I am thinking abt this relationship, flled with regrets? hatred? or relieve? As a matter of fact I have simply no idea. Is been really tough for me ever since the day my nightmare came. I never forgot the date, 15th November 2004. This is the day I will never forget, yet wanting forget. Is the starting of my nightmare, the torture and torment mentally I have went through for the last few months. I dun blame him, I dun hate him, I just hate the thing to happen that changes everything comepletely. It changes my life changes myself. I cannot ocnvince myself that it may be positive that it had happen, I never forget I once heard from GOD's words where one person must learn to forgive and forget. It may seem easy but is tough to do. Guess many out there have the same problem.

I dunno, I wanna forget, the more I wan the more I cant. I lost control of eveyrthing in my life, losing myself. Now picking up pieces seem much tougher than I thought. I know no one can help but only myself. It hurts a lot I really wanna give up at this moment of time but I have no choice. No choice but to go on. I wanna be strong wanna to find myself. The real true me again. The chillipadi everyone use to knoe, the crazee and violent woman I always been even I still am to a lot of my victims out there. *winks* I wanna be happie as what I was when I was single and spending crazee times with Elaine in the past. Dun worry Kenny, I m not asking Elaine to be single, coz I have AMANDA!

I feel guilty about praying everyday every night asking GOD to give me strength to go on, I never been a follower no matter how much preaching I used to have in schooldays. Feel guilty that only when I am trouble then HE comes to my mind. I am guilty of all these. But right now I really need that strength. Who out there does not know what is wrong what is right. Who does not know what should be done what should not be. It all matters whether can you do it or not.

Deep down in me I noe I luv him a lot, but yet upon knowing it cannot go on if all these problems just keep appearing in between both of us. Facts is that is over, but yet forgetting is tough that You relaly wish you dun wanna go through. I am confuse not knowing what I am thinking right now. Probbaly avioding with the best reason, MY EXAMS. Till then I really dun wanna think, but contridictingly it just kept coming back telling me that is all over, and time to pick myself up. evrytime it happen my heart just turn real sour and hurts a lot. Wanting to cry so much so till the point I dun have anymore to shed. Too tired to cry, wanted to cry but cannot anymore. DUn understand? is ok, I cant explain how either.

I knoe a lot out there esp my dearest sisters are always supporting me behind me, I seek forgiveness for my unreasonable to him, my uneasiness, my insecurity. Not sayign he has no fault but everything takes two hands to clap to make it happen no matter whhether is positive or negative. Probably this is the test for me to get over and done with my stubborn childish dependant character. I dunno, just like Elaine always say, Everythign happen for a reason, and I am seeking for the reason for this happen. I will seek for till my exams are over. Sound dumb eh? But I have to set my priorities right. Exams first coz it cant wait while others can. So I tell myself "Get a life, it cost you shit ass nearly $30K to get this damn degree, so cast every shit aside and move your ass to the chair and STUDY!" Well lame but it sure cheer me up with the full of nonsense theories I have. I cant wait for Sat and Sun to come. Wanna relax, I miss Sentosa, I miss Church, suprsingly I am, I used to sleep thorugh during such session when I was in school. But I found lots of meaning everytime the pastor preach, you may not believe in GOD but the sayings that were said are sometimes you never realsie that you knew it all along but just life have been going too tough, too much temptations that make you forgot abt it.

Well is time for me to battle with my tuition Primary 5 kid who is having Chinese Exams tomorrow. Hope she cooperate with me. Felt much better after writing so much though! Three Cheers for ME!!! CIAOZ!!

What is What?

2005-04-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

Been thinking a lot recently, as what you all had read in my previous blog.

although is been two weeks, many things had came across my mind, guess Lyn shld noe what I am talking about. Getting really tired about the things around me. Never felt this sort of "tiredness" for a long time. Never know when it disappear in this relationship, only till recently i felt "tireness" coming back.

Good sign? Bad sign? I dunno. What is love? Thats what I want to know. I read Lyn's blog a couple of days back on when a woman loves a man & vice versa, i realise how true it was. For once in my life I could said I will said a definate yes to whatever was stated there. Whereas when it comes to man loave a woman, there are certain things I do not know whats the answer. So does that mean he do not love me?

Loving someone is wanting to spend the worse and best time of their lives with each other. I learnt a lot on the meaning of love.

You know when you really love someone when:

You will do things you never do
You will do things you never like and never tot it was hard and difficult
You will feel sad when he feel sad
You feel happie when he does
You feel the same way as he feel

What can you expect? Can you expect? But isnt his or her weakness will always look over when you in luv with him or her? So what expectations can we have or I should sya can we have expectations for each other?

Change for him or her? Change for the better? does not seem to be clear anymore, being mature is gd? I getting lost on what I am trying to say here furhter. Think I beta stop, lots of thinking, cant go on anymore. Wanna do a final stop, but could not know whether this is a wise and best choice. Pray to GOD for help seek for help, ask HIM to allow me to let go easily, yet contridicting wish him well and the best for him.

Lost hope, discourage,
seek hope, be motivated,
Need time, losing time,
Want love, Losing love,
Seek Love, Lost Love.

LotS oF toTS

2005-04-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess I left a certain degree of question marks to a lot of you all on Saturday night at Aquadis- something, sorry can't remember how to spell it. Anyways, I guess is time to update my blog might as well also tell you people about it.

I dun wanna re-enact about what happen on Saturday, but all I wanna say is that Eugene and I have decided to cool off a period of time, as in how long we do not have any idea, when the time comes I guess either both of us know. The "cool-off" doesnt mean no contacts or meeting up just reducing to the minimum till "unless necessary" . Cause I felt I need more than what he can give, given the point that his work is occupying him. Also, he is thinning off from letting "my way" during this few months after that incident.

Both of us agree that if we wanna save this relationship we have to think through are we able t continue from here, me being more mature and indpendant, him being tolerant able to handle work and me at the same time. It was an exceptionally hard thing and decision to do for me, I guess all of you all know why, but I guess doing it will save or even let me understand things better I will rather do it.

Well, is only the first day, I am glad I handle pretty well till now. I hope I can do it furthermore down the road to find everything I want to know and what I wanna do. But above all these things I wanna thank him for teaching and making me realise a lot of things:

For letting me realise how immature and mature I need to be
Goals I need to achieve
Need of finding my confidence
Knowing GOD for another time
Knwoign GOD has been with me ever since I know HIS learnings
Being more responsible at home (although still not enough)
Things I wanna dream and dare to dream

Guess that isnt all, but one thing is I dun deny Eugene brought me to LORD Jesus Christ again, he made me realise GOD exisistence and believe in HIM again. GOD guide me through all the mentally tormant that I though I was able to pull through. I know some of you may be feeling I was being preach or taught by Gene, but is ABSOULUTELY A BIG NO, is me myself been praying from the day Gene betrayed me, till today. GOD guide me to my consicious, my heart again. I felt good today though.

I dun deny till now, it still hurts in my heart, I still shed a tear or two as and whenever I tot of the things that happen, but I noe I am strong enough to pull through all these. I have been thinking through on my way through to tuition and back, I have lot of thigns I wanna do and achieve like:

Wanna be strong
Wanna be confident
Wanna find my real true self again
Wanna re-find GOD and myself
Wanna tour aorund Europe before 28 years old
Wanna play tennis constantly, my passion has yet drop
Wanna get a healthy life again
Wanna be responsible even MORE
Wanna earns lots of money for parents and my future family
Wanna be INDEPENDANT
Wanna be sucessful
Wanna be truthful to myself
Wanna be back to reality
Wanna be the past ME again
Wanna save $10 for every tuition pay I get (Hey, I get $180 for every 8 lesson and my mom gives me about $50 for every 1 1/2 weeks)

Lots of things, I am sure the list will go long same to all of you, I wanna ask Stettin, Kenny and Elaine if they wanna play tennis with me like once a month? I noe everyone's schedule are busy, I tot of saving up to get a good tennis racket to play, or anyone wanna join in the "club" for tennis? As you know, no point getting a racket when I play with no one.

Another thing, anyone knows what time is the evening MASS for St Joseph Church (Bukit Timah) for Sat, reason being I cant go Sunday ones cause I dun wanna bump into Eugene, I dun wan him to feel that I am following him which I am not, and is easier for me to get out on Sat evening, without my parents suspecting, as u knoe they are devotees of taosim, I respect them, I just wanna take things at one time. But in anyway if anyone knoe can let me noe?

Next, anyone interested in clubbing this Sat which is 9th April, probably Double O, Music Underground or whichever that has no trance and no small kids? I am serious man. Wanna go? Cin mention on Sat she wanna go, so how abt this Sat, can? Amanda? Lynette? Elaine? Ryan? The GUys? Let me noe ya?

I wanna be strong and I will be and I am glad I start to find a light in myslef.

Laslty, I send my greatest Condosolence to Pope John Paul II, although I dun really get to know who exactly he is, but I know he is one great man. God Bless Him.

Ciaoz!

After Stress~

2005-03-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

Well FINALLY and is really finally that I can sit down in peace after musch tortrous weeks. As you can see I havent been updating for abt two weeks plus cause I was busy with my school. Studying Behavioral Science, in other words, Psychology. Thought gonna kill me, yup apprantly it did in a wya but on the other hand it was pretty interesting probably of the goffy lecturer. but whatever it is I am pretty glad that the toughest part is over.

Wondering why? cauze everyday at 9 a.m. I will have a test which in overall the total 10 quizzez contain 30% of my overall grade. Hence is really important and my lecturere starts exactly at 9 and even you are late you will not be given 10 mins to clear. once time is up you din finish is your own business. And as you know, Orchard's traffice in the morning is horrendous man. Is a big killer. so the first day I ended up late for class but sitll manage to pass at the brim of 6/10.

But in anyway is over I am glad no more stressful quizzez that panic me eveyr morning but 3 more application papers to go. Easy I think, hope nothign screw up here. signz~

Oh oh, just last Sat, I went to the Zoological Gardens, Hot and Sunny day man you cannot imagine how tired I was, I praticurly knock out the moment I reach home, why? Haved lesson in the morning then afternnoon Zoo till evening then dinner then Mahjong session with three guys who are rookies like me. wahahhaha playes till 1:30a.m. I couldnt take it went back home and knock out immediatly. As usual no photos to show coz is all with Gene.

But I saw the Babbons, superly farnie coz they kept digging each other butt. Yup is butt, where the butt is red distinctly from its fur or whatever is it suppose to call. farnie coz theres this glass room where you can see the baboons upclose and personal so they look at you too at the same time. Anyway, by the end of the day two of us were so shag out we practicurly drag ourselves back.

Then just on wednesday I went to Night Safari, Fun much better than Zoo I think, although Cindy thought was boring but I tot otherwise, guess different opinion. Went to see the flying cat. it really flew man. Saw it flying like a kite, hehehe~ I dunno wat else can i describe it as ok~. Saw the giraffe and antelopes and etc. etc., there was this aerea where is faces the upper seletar resoviour, really a nice view. got time go Night Safari, to me is fun lar so is up to you to think man. Remember to ask for student concession coz they din put it up probably cheated a lot of people. If you are lazee like me take the tram, but if you wanna take photos then tram is a WAY NO NO for you. I got the tix for free so dun ask me how much all I noe the kinds one is 9 bucks and 18 for adult without tram ride, with tram and after student rate discount I got no idea all I can tell u we paid 27 dollars for gene sis and younger bro at a student rate and inclusive of tram ride. But that day I went, the pple at the tram station like dun bother to check coz gene's younger sis n bro din get check for their tix, wonder why...hmm....

Ok enought for the day, lastly HAPPIE BIRTHDAY TO AMANDA is her 22nd B-day so heres my wishes to you. Work hard and study hard k?

Ciaoz!

My Day~

2005-03-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

Well been tuitioning non-stop recently, cannot help thinking that I have been doing tuition the pass few days. although is only two days this week but is like so many times. Everytime after one tuition I feel so drained out.

Anyway, today went to tutor Gene's bro, it was definately not as difficult as last time that I first started tutoring him, probably be coz he sees too much crap between me and gene all the time that he find me a bit too sort to be too difficult to get along with and will be ablt to bully him. Hahaha~ but whatever it is, I have done my tutoring with him and after that became a part-time maid for Gene. His room so so prone to dust that the amount of dust can be collected is scary man. So I promise him I will help him to mop his floor so I did and in return his grand ma ask me to stay on for dinner. Yummies~ at least I do not have to eat dinner all alone at home.

Was playing with Gene's cousin, Nikki, cute but naughty one. She started to stick aorund with me which I found it kinda suprising coz my cousins are all afraid of me. Probably be coz I was very fierce to my other cousins coz they are my cousins, and disciplinary to me is impt hence I tend to scold them whenever they misbehave. Whereas, Nikki aint my cousin, so cant really scold her but shes really cute at times you cant bear to scold her esp the way she greet you.

The sweetest thing is that she say "I love you Jie Jie Shirly". so sweet isnt it? Hehehe~ such a cute ger, will put up her picture if I can get it from Gene. His another cousin call Vivi also another cute one, she is much quieter comapre to Nikki but just as cute.

Anyway, just got my timetable so is another perfect slacking timetable but with tough assignments, hopefully I can make it and score and mainttain my B grading for all the modules. Kinda worried. Coz is psychology and my English sux so much. I am so worried about that Iwont be able to score, those who study psycology and socialogy will understand my worries. So pray hard for me people I need it for this module.

Oh oh and rara is coming back this week~!!! I miss his crapz and facial expressions~!! HAHA!

Nothing To Do

2005-02-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

hey hey, been like 1 1/2 months since I last went to school and also met up with my classmates from MDIS. I MISS SCHOOL. I noe Elaine, Kenny and Amanda have or maybe I should say had been stressing over school for the past few days and weeks must be thinking I must eben some gone case complaining that I am missing school. Well as you all know humans are enver ever gonna be satisfied with what they have around them especilly with regards to studies, work and Zo Bo-ness.

But whatever it is I have been bored to death at home for the past dunno how many weeks due to no school and the only life I have now is tuition and meeting up with people as and when they are free. What a life, fill with envy over me? DUN BE! coz if you are me you will be complaining like crazee. Just quarrel with my mum yewsterday just b coz she saw me and Eugene downstairs yesterday night. Coz he was really tired when he drove me back he needs a rest so I was accompany him in his "car" so that he can rest then drive back later. My mum with her @R%$#%^ frens basically saw us. Then she was not ahppie abt it d without asking she started to accuse me on lettting her lose face in from of her 2#$% frens. I was really angry coz fisrt she cant be bother to ask what was going on in the first palce and second, she just assume htings that she sees. what childish and irresponsible act she can be in sometimes. I din like her attitde all along and I guess I have enough of it yesterday. That I shouted at her telling her we did nothing and my consisoocus are clear. WTH can parents be nowadays, think too much cable vision tv is letting her lose her mind. probably those drama serial has some adverse effect but whatever is it I cant stand the attitude and accusation.

Another thing to complain about my life, dun worries not money anymore not that I am not worrying about it, just tht ceratin things cant help it then let it be coz the more you brood over it the more you suffer so dun think so much. I just simply wanna comaplin about CAI YOU YUAN who went too obessive with the game Rome: Total War whish is suppose to be MINE, he got so obseesive with that stupid game that the things he talk he himself not knowing does irritate people. In what sense just imgine this : You are talking to your fren over the phone and bascially the other party is watchign TV and have complete no attention to you. And thats the reaction I get all the time he plays the game. In the first place probably I think I shld not let him have the game first and second he thinks I m angry over small things. *pissed* I will not react taht much if is work coz i understand and I am doing it, I believe I am doing it on not being unreasonable when he do work and start to ignor me. But what I cant stand is he plays game and not knowing that I have nothing better to do just staring him playing his game will not be fun and game is not important as it can be played later right, or at the minimum find some entertainment for me instead of letting me stare blly into the sky and wonder what am I suppose to do.

So can anyone tell me am I unreasonable asking too much or what? I feel like cursing right now coz he just did it to me less than 30 mins ago that I got so piss I ignored him. I need justice!!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2005-02-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

Yup yup is Chinese New Year (CNY). Today is "ren ri" in other words is basically is the birthday of all humanity in the world. So for a start I wanna wish everyone who reads this blog a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Well been doing the most visiting for all years. Coz went to his Aunt's and Uncle's place to do visiting and of course to collect Ang bao. One of the few years that I got the most ang baos but yet the most number of $2.00 ang baos. Yes yes I noe the newspaper reported that Singapore is doign well this year and high expenditure in Reunion Dinners and etc etc but seem like the lavish spending causing the decrease in my ang bao money. But they say Ang baoz are for "yi si yi si" in english for show only must understand the true underlying meaining of ang bao then is the main point.

On fri went to Lyn place for a change. coz for years it has always been my ouse for CNY reunion but my parents wants to keep simple this year so my place was OUT. and since lyn is gonna move to woodlands soon, she suggested to go over her place. Ended up doing gambling that our hearts nearly drop out though. Thirlling game especailly for Kenneth and Patrick who plays big time. As for John he is just another sway one for the game "in the middle".Could not that much of the excitment of the game, the seven of us ended up splitting the remaining money fairly to all of us.

Been very tired recently, dunno for which particular reason, for going out too much or slacking too much. but either one is just no good. wanna do something meaningful but dunno what. resoultion of the year? Pass my Advanced Theory for goodness sake. And start to try to get my license coz i realise how important it is to me in terms of personal and for my future sake.

Show For Thought

2005-02-06T01:40:00.000+08:00

Just came back home from movie. Not a really hot and just from an ovan show but was a good one though. Went to watch "Hotel Rawanda" which is based on a true story in Africa that was not really reported probably locally, DEFINATELY not truthfully in US, Britsh as Media has the power to control the situation and turn the tables round. Guess some may not understand why I say so, but htose who watch it will understand. Understand how human can be so cruel enough to do such masccare and also the prostituion. Although that few bloody and prostituion scenes were at minimum but it was enough to shock you what ahppen in June - July 1994, when I was only 11 years old.

What I could not standmost is how countries turn their backs on those helpless and unarmed people who have been driven up the wall. Is a really good movie on also telling how Media can crap nonsense from countries to save their Ass by turning their backs to those helpless people who they call as Blacks, Dung, Useless. I will leave the benefit of doubt on whether if these were true or not coz this is afterall the one sided story.

Anyone knows about this big news that happen in mid of 1994? care to share? I am really interested especially in how the media protray it coz I remember in my first module in my Bach. I was taught on how media influence the public and they only produce what they think is should be and to be known to the public. How sad this world can be if all stated has yet changed ever since then isnt it. If thats the case, what is shown in Tsunami will it be realy whats protray in the actual site itself?

Another thing to share was that in the movie there were these Americans reporters to report the situation in Rawanda, and thie reporter was telling Paul, the hero of the show stating that the scens that they capture of the killing of the "Tutis" will be shown and people at other countries will just say "oh poor thing" and they continue to eat. Isnt that really sad? There are people out there who are really looking for help.

Well, I dun deny I am not sitting on the fence anymore for this, but I just hoep things have improve ever since then IF it had really happen, and racial harmony people to people are fair. I may not be the one, but neither I can deny the racisim started externally that influence me. I dont want it to be like this either but my racisim started with traumatise incidents thats why. I tried to control and change my perception though, and still tryign to do so. Well signing off now not getting early nee dot catch some sleep a long day tomorrow.

Ciaoz people!!

My New Blogskin

2005-02-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

Hi hi! Finally my new blog skin is up after much complain by many people. You know who you are k. Dun try to hide man. Been busy with my report thats why. But at least is done before Chinese New Year. Some accomplishment. Well is really late in the night now, falling ill, got a stupid slight cold now think must be the KFC I ate earlier on all thanks to HIM a.k.a. Cai You Yuan coz he kept insisting in eating KFC making the remaininf four of us to follow. As those people who have know me well enough that I loath KFC the most among all fast food restarurant ever since A&W close down in Singapore, KFC has been my top in the list. But well...

Let me update about myself. Well the same, not much changes, felt bad about certain stuffs like one main thing will be flying me fren's aeroplane as the story ges that I promise him in helping him out in his project where needs some Excel skills but as a JC student of him who only has touch Microsoft Word but no other applications in school he have complete no idea what was going on. Worse still he was nice enough to help me out in this so-called part time job which we sitll have no idea how much we will be getting. So if Gene you are reading this PLEASE push the $$ for us especailly for me coz I am so broke. Sighz, I am an evil fren man, been sort of busy with my report which is finally done yesterday at about 0130 hours after 6 hours of sloggin at different times due to tuition constarints. But the main thing I wanna say here is SORRY Bro. I guess he is pretty piss with me. I dunno, felt bad. probably sick in CNY is my retribution of being so mean.

Anyway back to my life, been not meeting up with the gers n guys as often we did before though. But the most recent will be the shopping for CNY clothes. Rara so excited helping me to choose a top that he so proud of where he show it off to Elaine and Cindy who came later to joinus for dinner. Elaine was suppose to join Amanda, Ryan and Me in the afternoon but sleep overcomes her but lukily her 24 xiao BF accompanied her to shop.

Have dinner at Soup restaurant again. $20 per pax worth the value coz the food we ate was like woo hoo man~. Then Kenny left coz his hip-hop parents are living for honeymoon AGAIN so he needs to see his parents before they flew off the next day. We went to Esplanade and chill out again. got bored, out of topics to tlak. Lyn came to join us, crap again yet out of topic. thinking of chaning place but dunno where as Chinatown is close by the time we go over but in the end we decide to go geylang for dao huay!! MY fAV.!! Thanks Kenneth for driving us around AGAIN back home and so. But also because of this and the honest me make Gene angry coz he felt it is so dangerous for me to seat in the lorry. Din blame him for being angry about it though.

For that whole weekend been spending time with him. went to watch The Aviator, not too bad, at least is kinda change the impression of that leonardo guy, coz I am anti-him, coz to me he is a failure in good movies. But the Aviator, watch once thats it. not another time. coz another time will tell u is a boring movie instead of good. my good aint fantastic just good positive feeling not soem movie you start saying it sux! thats all.

Well been very piss off with my tuition student nowadays guess PMS is driving me my temper to the limits. Started to find her hard to handle and spoilt. Cant stand it when she does thigns slowly and always make me stay till very late. doesnt she udnerstand she cant have her way all the time I have my thigns to do. Just like Monday it suppose to end at 1830 it ends at 1900 got so piss coz i promise to meet gene at hi grad photoshoot at 1900. and yet that damn kid took it as though she has every right to make me stay. to think about it she really piss me off man. Well for sake of moeny heck it. Ok is time for me to sleep man. dun wanna stay up too late.

Sigining off!!

2005-01-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

This was in Year 2004 at NTUC new furnish Chalet, and of course is Cindy's 21st Birthday. This pic was taken after the sabotaging instead of only Cin, it was everyone. Kinda fun though. Any changes? Look Prettier? Must Be right?? Wahahahaha~
Posted by Hello

2005-01-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

Tot of having some review back on some of the events we have like in 2003 & also in 2004. So heres Cindy Birthday which was held in Marche (AGAIN) in year 2003. I thought this pic was pretty ugly but it was one of the more presentable ones where all the gers are in it.
Posted by Hello

2005-01-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

Long long VERY long ever since last wrote here. Dun complain Ryan! I know you gonna suan me. Aiya..... I dun deny it Laziness OVERPOWERED me! Shit! But I allow it to happen. Geez.... Getting fatter again, there goes my last few weeks of illness and serious ulcers that make me lose weight. *sighz* But everyday is a beta day man, so look on the bright side.

Been thinking about my $$$ matter again, but not gonna talk about it cause it will only make me sad and troubled over it again. I will think about it when the real problem comes. So my dearest RSCEL & Old Buddies & New Found Frens & *ahem* Buddy Partner. Hahahaha~~ mo mo ren you know I am talking about you, I can imagine your filled with sweetness face giggling and saying "TAO YAN!" and YES is you! From now onwards, I will try to reduce my expenses so in other words sometimes I may not join some activities with you guys so is my greates apology in advance and if i start spending too much do WARN me big time k?

Just went out with them on Sat, farnie thing is I have seen all of the gers ever since like Wednesday and the things is that the combination of the gers going out together is always different. The only person who remains the same is MOI! Guess when Gene is not around I tend to be pretty free and furthermore, I have no classes only tuition.

Anyway back to Sat, Was out with Cin, Lyn, Ah Man, Rara, Stett & Kenneth out new found member. We went to La Mian Crystal Jade. As blur as ever, our Lyn never eat before Xiao Long Bao Burst the Bao and all the soup came out. Cant blame her though coz she never eat before and her blurness too explain all. Hehehehe~ As suspicious we get betwee this blur ger and our new found memeber they became our topic of the day and Rara become my "boyfriend" a.k.a. stand Eugene for the day. Hahaha~ Farnie and fun though BUT things din "work out" for both of us coz I am too short for Rara. BUT is ok coz WHO CARES ABOUT RARA'S Thinking hahahaha~ Then we went to Sky Garden to have a chat while waiting for the movie to start at 11:30. I guess we spoilt like dunno how many couples tian mi mi there. But WHO CARES!?!?!? Is a public place and most importantly we enjoyed ourselves there. On our way to the Cinema we pass by this place near the Kids Mall, Tonnes of the little machines where you put in at least $1.00 coin and turn this thing and a capsale will drop out from the machine. So our Lyn and Cin still have their little childhood days, went to try to get some keychains.

After the movie, all of us went back together all thanks to Kenneth who was very nice to send all of us back and espcially to me and ryan coz he have to spend the effort to send two of us first back to Lyn's place then back to his place again. It was a cold ride though especially for Stett I guess coz throughout the journey his face became so crumpled and kept so quiet. And worse of all he has to suffer a serious long journey back n forth. HAHAHAHA!

Back home I was online again with Shaun, my MDIS classmate, have a great talk about the movie I watch, a.k.a. Kinsey: Lets talk abt sex. Hey, Hey aint no dirty conversation between us, plain talking about how people can use scientific reason to define Sex. Have a good conversation though esp when he din watch the show and remarkably he was able to understand what was I talking about and exchange each personal point of view towards this topic about whether can we put Sex this issu into dry and with reasoning scientific point of view of is plain emotions. Probably is something we can argue about, for me, I come from a conventional background, to me this Sex topic I alwyas believe emotions are always put in not something Dry and scientific, and my beliefs, no matter what many years of influence of christanity and now catholisim let me understand certain reasons and ethics and chasity I guess. Not because I have turn towards this religion, is my belifs in their reasons. A dry movie not fantastic movie but yet lot to think about. Really.

Its Christmas!

2004-12-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

Well is the time of the year AGAIN. Is CHRISTMAS! Anyway HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!! Guess everyone have different fun yesterday on the so-called dunno how many thousand and one time counting down again. Guess Cindy and Stettin is having fun at Vietnam and Rara at Taiwan?? I dunno he has yet to confirm his location although his blog he stated that he will be going.

In anyway went to Mass yesterday night. Frankly speaking I was really tired yesterday trying so hard to open my eyelids to listen. Been very long ever since I last sang any Chirstmas songs. Kinda fun though just reminds me of my schooling days at Saint Margs. That was one of my favourite time of the year cause finish exams, holidays and I still remmeber all Primary 6 students are suppose to come up with the Nativity Play of how Jesus Christ is born.

Was at Saint Mary church yesterday thats was also the reason why I ended up not joining Amanda, Elaine and Lynette coz the mass was at 9 n end at only about 1030 in the night hence thought no point going down town though.

For now I think I will will stop here gotta go to do some stufs

Ciaoz!!

Finally?!?

2004-12-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

Yesh yesh is another its been a long time ever since I last touched this blog of mine & I do realise nobody comes so it doesnt really matter now. I wanted to write a couple of time but always ended up not writing coz I am just plain lazee. Hey, I never deny the fact that I am lazee you know. As a matter of fact I admit I am lazee just by looking at my room lot of pple will know. Esp to those people who have been to my house. The only time they wills ee that is spick and span is the time where is Chinese New Year where my mum will start threatening me to clean up every single day till I do it. But what can I say. *sighz*

Anyway been like nearly to 2 weeks ever since I last wrote this? Cant really remember either coz been bz with my project cum presentation and of coz my deadly exam. A modules that I HATE THROUGH THE CORE which is "Mass Media Research" is a similar mod to markeitng research but just much more worse. Well, is also because of this project I got a chance to know my classmates better. Theres this guy by the name Shaun who Amanda label him as the "2nd Rara" coz we happen to have lunch together at PS few days back. As Corny, Farny and Action Pack as Rara just the Ang moh version. Coz he simply cant speak Chinese. In fact I hink 3/4 of my class cant speak chinese ba.

Well been slacking around htis whole week coz is my mini break before my thrid module start. Went to watch "National Treasure" Thanks to Ah man and elaine to give me th tix. Kinda complicated plus miscommunicaiton here and there for that one little ticket. Is a much simpler version of Da vinc Code for those who had read this book will know what I meant. kinda nice but not a show that will give a wooooo n wow kind of feeling just like is a nice movie and thats it.

Then after that was my slacking days all the way. Thrsday went shopping with elaine not really productive coz ended with things that I want with much longer time though. Now on friday another slacking day at his place doing nothing ut typing this blog out. Why? coz he have fallen ill suddenly which make him cant talk, cant drive or maybe I should ay cant do anything I s basically synoese (I cant spell!!!!) U NOE THE NOSE DISEASE that u get every morning that u start sneezign non stop for no reason. Plus adddtional headache, earpain, eye pain and nose paine. Forgotten what was it called. Any tips for this anyone??

Anyway I think I will stop here, havent ate anything but one pakcet of soupymax, and a few honey bear biscuits. I am so hungry. Gonna grab something to bite coz my gastric is coming back. shitty!!! time to go ciaoz!!!!

Pressure Pressure!

2004-11-23T13:17:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi, its been a week ever since I last wrote anything on the blog. Been doign frequent visit to Lyn, Rara & Lix Blo. Yes, Rara I will link yours to mine soon, give me sometime ya?
Been under serious stress with a lot of things. Been so affected by so many things. On Friday, I met up with Cin, Stett and Rara to go to Cheryl's B-day Chalet. The place is ultimate ulu man. Got caught in the small drizzle on our way there. Told Rara what has happen to me for the last few days. Listen to his self proclaim "Men's Professional" advices. Well, he make his point though no suaning or negative meaning in the inverted commas k.
Well, Back to Cheryl's Chalet, as usual tonnes of food. Her parents are always so warm and welcoming, her mum even watch the Singapore Idols Results with us man. Aint she some modern mum. If it was my mum she may think I am crazee. Ate Avacado with Tuna and cheese. Good combination PLUS is good for skin especialy to those woman. Something new to me but I like avacado and tuna and cheese so ended up being adventourous to try it out and BOY it was GOOD.
Met Jeremy who kindly has forgotten my name, and with much tactfulness askign Cheryl for my name right behind me. But is ok been so long we last met and furthurmore we seldom exchange much words unless is one group of us in JI.
After that went to Adam Road for so called supper with Eugene and David. Ended up meeting Alan there who is doing his School so-called Amazing Race. Wonder how it went in the end? Hmmm....
On Sat went for Schoo in the morning, Mediacorp for work in the afternoon and movie in the night. A full of event day man. And VERY VERY tiring too. Mediacorp was really energy drain. Kids were much naughtier than usual probably they have more frens aorund them and it excites them when they noe they are to perform on stage I guess. Took many photos with them, but have yet upload to my computer. When is done I will post it up.
Then "The Incredibles" GO WATCH. Wonderful, fantastics animation all thanks to PIXAR. Also the characters are really farnie. I kinda like the Designer, Ednar More, Dash and my all-time favourite Jack-Jack. Ednar 's " Oh Darhling, Oh Darhling dun make me beg you" with the french accent is reall comical.
Sun, went to work again at mediacorp, is the last day, frankly speaking I kinda miss hte kids, I mean afterall we spent a couple of weeks together, One of my Fav. Beverly gave me , Lyn and the teacher a packet of sweets. so Sweet~. Guess there were also some practices for ALL the Singapore Idols Finalists. Met a lot of them after work and during work. Met Daphne, Olinda, David Yeo, Beverly and Leandra.
Been really stress uo with a lot of thigns, keep it short is relationship stress, school work stress and family stress are giving too much stress that I really wanna give up. My project, I start to feel like not doing it naymore I really dun feel like studying it, damn awful. Family is always toking abt money, and My dad is giving pressure abt him asking my to help out in some stuffs. I just wanna quiet down with other things yet no one can understand. I too are worried abt money ok, not only them. Cant they stop reminding me about money. Eugene, I dunno, sometimes I wonder I gave him stress or he giving me stress. After hearing what ryan say, he has his point, I dunno, I am getting confused. I dunno, neither will I wan to talk abt it now.

Sux It

2004-11-16T17:48:00.000+08:00

Well, as you all know by now, things been happening real fast for the past few days. Is also on of the worse days of my lives. Everything is coming all the feeligns I long wanted to get rid of. The feeling that I have long experience. The feeling that I long wanted and mange to get over with it has all came back. I never expect it to happen so fast but yet not suprising at all.
Weird isn't it? I dunno I finally make the right choice or not, but I told myself to give him 1 month's time and give myself 1 month's time to think about it.. I wanna to know whether will it work or not and can I really get over with it or not. The reason why I have decided to let it be this way cause I do not wish to regret it. Whether is he who is selfish wanted a 2nd chance or me being selfish not knowing whether I can get over with it or not n continuing this relationship or not it doesn really matter to me now.
I wanted to give it up when I heard him toking to me on the phone, what makes him come and the things he said the moment we sat down and talk. I fucking hell scolded him cause I felt I should and I can no longer take it to be the goody-to-shoes me to talk things out nicely. I really wanna give him n myself a chance cause I dun wanna live in regret but I wanna give up completely at that time on the tings he said. He kept complete silence when I scolded him telling him how insulted I feel how sad & heart broken I felt also telling him how sickening he can be doing such a things and how shameful he can be as a catholic.
We started to walk around he finally spoke tell me a lot of things. Telling me how confuse he felt, how he didnt wanna make the same mistake again and not wanting to hurt me anymore. All these are the sweet nothings some of you may said. Frankly, I dunno whether is true or not. But all I know is this 1 month time is the critical time for him to pull everythign back. I told him all I wanted to see is SINCERERITY. If it isnt there what for go on.
I am calculative, and I have not get over the fact t hat it did happen. It still hurts a lot so much so I really wanna avoid but I realise the more I dun wanna think it comes. I kept telling myself it has happen face it. At this point even though is only 1 day, is really tough for me to go through to the point that I wanna give up, forget about this relationship and go on with a new life. But I told myself this that is only the first day and I am giving up I will not be able to answer to myself simply one thing I dun wanna live in regrets again. At least I give myself this chance even if fails I can go on and proceed on without looking back and tell myself ,"Hey, you din try, you dunno what happen in the end, you did topple over but what makes you so sure @ the end of this race you will not win?" But it hurts still it hurts a lot, I am afraid, I hate the feeling I dun want it coz it really hurts a lot.
All i wanted is a simple life. I wanted a peaceful family, simple job it need not be fancy. Eventhough I have only been through one quater of my life sometimes too many ups and downs gets real tired. I understand simple rules all things that rules peace to the Earth, the People and the Family.
I have never been good in expressing myself. Everytime I have tonnes of things to say but everytime it will reach to a point that it simply cant generate out ad out to my mouth. This is the place where at times I can write and type whatever I am thinking and to vent it all out. I really hope one day he will be able to read all these and understand how I feel.
Signing off now!

2004-11-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

The Gers! These were taken at the Christmas Tree at Taka.
Posted by Hello

My Torment Days

2004-11-02T17:38:00.000+08:00

For the past few days I hav been cramping with my Mass Communication Notes. Not prgreswsing fast or on time though still trying hard. Worst of all I sitll have a project report to do and I am only like having 500 words in it when I need 1500 words. Ihave yet type in the details nor finish up the backbone of it. So lets pray hard I am able to do it. Also do pray hard for my exam on Friday Not much confident though. Everything seem such a stranger coz is not so biz afterall. Is pretty tough to convert the biz style to this mass comm style. Cant really explain to you guys what I mean. Juz like studying Biz then asking you to study Enginneering and ask you to look into the problem on an engineering point of view.
Well, he has left for Stockholm for like two days, nearly quarrel with him again juz before he step into the gate for checkin. Simple reason is that he is travelling without my knowledge straight after he is back. I am not piss that he is going overseas without me (goign on a family trip but yet to confirm) just that i din like it when he does the tell the thridparty and make me feel like an idiot move again on me. He enjoys telling other pple abt his stuffs especially on his schedule without even letting me before hand and need m to get in shock when he goes aorund telling other pple. Sighz. I dunno, been so uptight recently even my temper became so bad that i can just flare up with anyone like anytime? I just hope I can be back to normal soon.
Went out on Sataurday after working at mediaCorp. Was pretty low morale when I was todl that there was breifing after work. Was tired man and still have to listen to all the nagging. Aint no motivation at all you noe. But soon after that went to Ngee Ann City to meet up with Cindy Stettin and Ryan for dinner. With much argument, as the guys kept insisting on eating the dinner at this mongolian restaurant at 5th Level costing at $40.00 per head which have oyster sharkfin etc etc. But I m no longer working I have to calculate my finance carefully and kept insisting on not eating that. Of couse friendly arguement. Its Sat, not a usual day that we will end up in foodcourt esp for our deares two army guys, we ended up in Paragon's Akashi Japanese Restaruant for our dinner. Got cheated for some Clams that cause us $15.00 when we hardly ate like 1 piece or 2? All thanks to Cindy with her "Da Jie" and "Service Hazard" we got another plate for free and of coz this time they make surfe the number of calms is equal to the number of clam shells on the plate.
After that we went to do some mini shopping with Ryan for his more mature shoes. Hahaha, sorry bro to laugh at you but is good to see that you are changing ur style to more mature. Please stop wearing the Ecko shirt. wear that in chalet to sleep not to go out. Trust the Fashion Consultants you have in RSCEL Team we provide the most honest and best quality answers you will ever recieve to turn you into a Prince Charming *pukes*. Anyway back to the trip down to Wisma @ Beatle Bug, he decided to buy this pair without shoelaces, evethough I always feel that shoelaces bring maturity in a person but the design is nice and better than those with shoe laces. Sadly, the size that he initially tried was no longer available, all thanks to being to fickle. It wasnt wrong he juz went out exploring for better choice if there are any. Thats how a woman shope which men dun agree. Probably a wrong step to go, but they do have stock at the branch at Bugis Junction hence problem solve!
After much arguments AGAIN, is normal tough if there isnt it will be so boring. We went to Cineleisure for some coffee to chill out and TCC or some JCC cnat really remember. Took some farnie photos there, sorry cant post it coz first ryan has yet send to me and second my main com cant seem to connect to the internet and all my pics and software to upload pics to my blog are all there. Gotta call up to Starhub to complain again. Shitty. Met Pang Wei and his gang there too. Oh he is some pple I noe through Alan in my scondary school days. That reminds me of that guy cnat remember his name, but never noe what I do to offend him in my life that he was pretty ok with me when he was with his ex-gf but when they broke up he treated me like enemy and alien. Even diao me when I saw him in SP campus, are men that petty or are they such revengful pple juz enjoy making enemies instead of frens around them? is like so duhh and childish for a person my age behaving that way. Saddness for him but it show that I am a higher grade Human Species than him. Hahahaha~ Kidding lar all craps.
The chat ended up with a trip to KL which is nearly to 100% off coz due to some constraints to a lot of them as first Cindy is going Vietnam, Elaine is having test on Sat itself, and Lynette is celebrating her B-day on Sat for the upcoming long holiday we are having. Frankly speaking I am not looking upon to this long weekend. DUn be mistaken Lyn, nto becoz of your B-day I m excited abt your B-day juz dun seem to look upon. I dunno why.
K I htink thats abt all. Off to my break and back to work at night for my project!!! GO GO GO!! (those who watch Variety Vision Channel 55 8:00pm Show will know what is that wahahahah~!)

My School Life

2004-10-26T18:32:00.000+08:00

Well Well, is been really long ever since I have last drop anything damn thing here. Been really quiet recently, n obviously no one left a msg iether *sob*sob* start to doubt my social circle status now. Sighz.

I m a official 100% student yet also a 100% financially crisis at this moment of time. School is pretty good, met some good people there, farnie pple too esp one of them , she is an Indonesian, till now she does not know much about Singapore, something really farnie happen that we were describing Pulau Tekong to her on telling her how many guys were there, how "macho" can they be and etc etc and she thought was some Male prostitution Island. that really laugh our heads off today at lunch. All thanks to her also was my release on some of my stressful worries I have for the past few days.

Not to mention also, I went to KL during the weekends, was really fun where I really forget and put all my worries behind in Singapore. Went with Gene n his best fren David. They two really make best buddies that they can be on some dual talkshows I bet it will be as popular as Oprah Show man. Trust me. They just simply enjoy boasting each other Ego at the same time. Men~

Got really stress up with a lot of stuffs not only becoz of my projects but also my exams n my money. Went into tears yesterday on the phone with Amanda. Think I kinda raise my voice at her yesterday guess I was a bit emotionally not able to control. I dunno. Felt beta today eventhough is still bad. Guess got to look on the bright side. Just ain't cheery enough. Felt, that I was away form my dearie frens sudden. Y? Probably too sensitive and getting too cranky when u have so many problems. I reall dunno. Too many feelings that I dunno how to describe. It juz aint feeling good. Thanks Amanda for talking to me and letting me throwing my tantrums at ya yesterday. I will try to brace up and face it. I hope he too can understand, been so bz that talking to him is so difficult again. I noe he is trying, aint blaming him coz I know he is trying to be there for me but sometimes he juz cant help it, I too trying to keep cool about it.

External factors may not be everything but it mean something, Money is not taken for granted is something shld be plan n taken care of. Sound like some old grandma story? It will not be if ya in my situation.

Treasure n spend wisely.

Something to Read Abt on Ur Temper

2004-10-06T11:59:00.000+08:00

ARIES: March 21 April 20
Nothing seems to ruffle you more than a lack of discipline,disloyalty and decorum. But Arians are also known to go into a rage very easily when challenged. Those of you who've been on the receiving end of the Aries temperknow that if not calmed down they can even get violent. But one thing is certain if the opponent remains calm and does not react to their outburst,Arians cool down very fast. They will be also the first to apologize whichmakes them easier to forgive. Aries love deeply and will easily forgive when betrayed. Revenge will then be the order of the day.

TAURUS: April 21 May 20
You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose yr cool, people don't know howto react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull and anyone trying to pacifyyou'll, they be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are cornered or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. Youalso hate being reminded about mistakes you've made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way. You are likethe abyss, full of the unknown. Deep, dark and dangerous.

GEMINI: May 21 June 20
You're recognized by your cheerful disposition & yr jovial nature is not easily susceptible to anger. In fact, you're the best person to have aroundwhen there is an ugly scene at a party because you can bring the warring factions together quite diplomatically. But when you lose your cool, you yelland scream and will not listen to reason. And you love to sulk. Its not easy topacify you but once cool down, you are a changed person. To forgive and forget is your motto in life.You must however have the last word in a wordy duel. Yourcapacity to argue aggressively is matched only by your seductive charms. And you can charm them off their pants. And you are most loved.

CANCER: June 21 July 21
Considering how charming, caring, and kind you are, you dislike unpleasant scenes, much less creating one yourself. You have great tolerance & rarelyget provoked into losing your temper. If someone's unreasonable or trying tocreate trouble, you are more likely to walk away quietly.But that does not meanyou do not have a temper. When angry, in yr effort to control yr emotions, youtremble, your hands get sweaty, and sometimes you fumble for words. Tears roll down your eyes easily and the opponent is touched by your innocence and will seek an apology immediately. Everyone has great respect for you for you arelike the pillar of the wise.

LEO: July 22 August 21
If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But then, you can bedescribed as stiff, cold and uncaring and your anger knows no bounds. You are known to lack spontaneity but you really don't care about opinions. You don'tlike to create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where you suspect the presence of an unruly lot.But your very presence seems challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your disquiet. When angry you canuse very critical language. A dressing-down can humiliate yr opponent, causing astrain between both of you forever. You will always forgive but never forget. Its like you are wounded by the scars forever and you have the habit of nursingold wound so that you will always be reminded of your anger with the otherparty. Vindictive in thoughtas to the very end.

VIRGO: August 22 September 21
Most of you are gentle and have full control over your emotions, but those of you given to temper tantrums can certainly get violent.When see thing with rage,you yell and shout and tend to break things lying close at hand. You can even harm yourself by banging your hands on a glasstop table or wall. You should never get into any argument, for you are a sore loser. You feel that others are trying to persecute you and don't quite respectyr opinions. When hurt, you can also hold grudges forever.

LIBRA: September 22 October 22
Did someone say that you're the charmers of the zodiac? Well,it's true. Few have ever seen you ruffled or angry. You're very conscious of your image, and you believe that anger distorts your face and personality.You also think you are above things like anger. But wait before you get into self-congratulatory mood.Your family or those very close to you know you better. You have an unmatchedtemper amongst all the zodiac signs, and what makes it worse is your capacity to justify it.

SCORPIO: October 23 November 21
Of course you don't lose your cool. You are a very cool person.But your very demeanour (manner) projects haughtiness, arrogance, pride and grand disdain(disregard) for mortals (humans) who threaten your intelligence especially whenthey are on par with you. Others are often found saying that anger sits on yournose, and you are raring to give your peace of mind to the 1st person who triesto act funny with you. Your tongue-lashing (attack) is generally in a softhissing tone, for you never scream, as you do hate drawing attention toyourself. When upset,you are angrier with yourself for having shown weakness, for the last thing that Scorpio wants to show is being out of control. And youfind it hard to forgive yourself once you lashed out your anger. And you do goout of the way to be most gentle and caring to the one who had tasted your anger.

SAGITTARIUS: November 22 December 20
You're insensible and generally have no complete control over your emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger levels even when provoked.You're also likely to totally sever ties with someone when you're upset with them. You are the silent and vindictive type. You strike when others leastexpect. Many times in your anger, you say hurtful things and you truly meant to hurt. And hardly ever would you apologize for your mistakes and even try toconvince the other person and the rest of the world that the whole thing was never your mistake. But the good thing about you is that you hardly show yourtemper to those closest to you and those you care most deeply. But those closest to you are very rare and very few even if there is any at all. You area loner by nature and most misunderstood by all the stars.

CAPRICORN: December 21 January 19
Few will believe that a hardcore practical and materialistic person like you iscapable of sensitivity and genuine emotions. You project a hard exterior butare actually very sensitive, a trait you successfully hide from others. U canbe seething with anger but will not betray your feelings. But then, there aretimes that even you cannot control yr temper. Under such circumstances you canshout and scream, more with frustration at the situation than with anger at anyparticular person.Your outbursts can shock others and can make them feel guiltytoo.

AQUARIUS: January 20 February 18
You are noble and kind and dislike losing control over your emotions.It's very rare for you to get angry. You are also the pacifier insituations that involve arguments. It is always your endeavor to be perfect andsocially correct in your behaviour & attitude, but if misunderstood and slighted you can give in to an angry outburst. You'll shout and scream and thenwalk out from the scene. You cannot easily forget the situation and will bebitter about it for a long time. You are the type to not forgive nor neverforget.

PISCES: February 19 March 20
The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others' feelings, so yourarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You'll yell and use harsh words, and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagery is at its best when angry, & you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason & wish to be left alone. But once you have calmed down, you repent your tantrumsand seek forgiveness. So nobody can be upset with you for too long. Basically,you are nice, nice person.

Wat To Do?

2004-09-29T11:10:00.000+08:00

Well, FINALLY I got my pictures up the blog itself after so many tries. Will try to put more when I can so it will not look so wordy on my bloggie itself.

Anyway, I have just recieve a bad news for myself yesterday. First, he is leaving one day earlier than is schedule, instead of Sun, he is leaving on Sat. Whats worse is that he is coming back at 0000hrs 12Oct and leaving on 12Oct 5:35PM to India. Which means, I wont see him till 19Oct Night. *Sighnz*

To make things worse for ME, if he gets a project which will be in China, he will be flying off again end of Oct and straight to Germany till 12Nov! Hence in total I wont be seeing him up to 1 month PLUS PLUS! I really wish that he can get the CHina project, afterall I do wanna see him sucess @ his work, on the other hand, if he gets the project means I cant see him for so long. Is gettign real tough for me, how I wish I am the one flying around so I wont be so bothered by all these things coz I will be too busy. I really wonder what is in his mind?

Let me talk about soemthign more happy, well this week is a belated celebration for our Dearie Frens: EVE & VERNON AKA GUAN. HAPPIE BELATED BIRTHDAY! Eventhough I know they do not read my BLOG but no matter how I sitll them them a HAPPIE 21ST BIRTHDAY! We are celebrating for them this coming Sat, hope it comes and does not come faster coz he is gone but yet celebrating their Birthday. Then next coming week will be my last week of work, thinking is extending it but yet, wanna rest before I start school. I dunno, coz I starting to slack at work a lot now as I am no longer doing any cases rather pushing all the cases away to my colleuges.
Then next will be LAINE B-day celebration at Aloha Resort, with compliments from my SIS, do have to say n mention abt her contribution coz whether can we check out on that day or not really depend on her. Hope all these will bring me FUN n forget abt all these unhappiness coming soon. FRens Forever!!! Upcoming Masss Comm Student Here I be!!!

PS: I do read Lyn, Lix, Pat & Dan 's BLog. ONly Lyn n Pat noes I think.

2004-09-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

My little "Guardian Angel" to HIM!
Posted by Hello

2004-09-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

Me & of Coz Him!
Posted by Hello

2004-09-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

HoneyMooners!
Posted by Hello

2004-09-22T23:31:00.000+08:00

After Sabotaging
Posted by Hello

I dID iT!

2004-09-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

Finally my shoutbox is finally up, after trying a few time to get it into the right position etc etc. Will still try hard to improve it. It takes tiem for me especially when I am pretty idiotic in such programming codes and all these cut and paste. Wasted time thinking where is the right place to put the shoutbox but I cant seem to get rid of the space in between it with the next section with it. I dunno why, still trying to solve it. Can anyone help?

Well, can anyone tell me how to upload the pics, I sill cant do it even I download the Hello software. Arghh~!!! Next Target is to put music into it, then Wah LA!! wahhahaha, seem tiring but the outcome is really shiok. Although I am not satisfied with what I have and is way far from my expectations, but I will try again, just as long I know I have my supporters here. *Blush*

Back to work for now!!! 14 working days, 50 mins more from Back to School Life and Financial trap life!

Life

2004-09-16T15:28:00.000+08:00

Dunno why it seems like super un-Fruitful week for me. Firstly no sales secondly social interaction in a mess. I have no idea what got onto me either.

In anyway, Juz have a major argument with Ah Man yesterday, was not really an argument. She meant well trying to knock my head into some senses, yet on the other hand, me, already ahve series of negative thigns goign on with my job cannot take what she had said, started all the arguemnt. CAnt really say is an arguement but I juz cant find the right word to put it in. In overall, only one word to decribe what happe yesterday, misinterpration of each other meaning on what we have to say for each other. Warning: Dun tok serious matter online, is highly acidic n fatal. LUckily, she is fine and ok about it already, and so am I! Lastly, about this thing I wanna to say is I listen to everything you all tell me, I swear!

Lets not tok abt unhappy stuffs, well on Sat I will be goign to Pulau Ubin for cycling, lets pray hard enough that it does not rain. *crossing finger* yet I hope it rains, getting very lethargic each day, wanna catch some beauty sleep but becoz of the trip i given up a chance of earning additonal $50.00. Damn! SHant promise anythign next time!

I sometimes ownder if he reads my blog, seem to know what is goign thru myself. I dunno whether is true or nto, is juz these few days, lets keep my eyes open and see hard, give myself confidence etc etc... Though I still dun feel safe, but like you all say what can u do when he show nothign to sya that he is cheating, probably you are juz scaring urself. I dunno, I repeat upteen n million times is the psychology hting that I CANT WIPE AWAY FROM MY MEMROY till today. He called me for the last few days, probably is Malaysia, the phone charges aint too pricy, thats why he cna affor dto call so often. At least at the minimum I knoe he is safe n sound there, and he called htis morning to sya good morning. Is he trying or wat? stupid tots liek probably he did somehtign wrong there thats why trying to be nice to me? Duhh~ DUmb thinking right. & Thinkign WAY too much isnt it. Good imagination so anyone wanna employ me to be a script director I think I can be really good. Hahaha~ FUll of Nonsense.

I am full of envy about his job, long hours,not enough sleep full of stress but travel a lot n lots of exposure!!! THATS WHAT I WANT! my dream job. Lots of expereince pple said is dumb to be in that line coz u slog like hell get peanuts, but is the exposure, in ur life how much can u gain even u have that much of money, I am willing to exchange exposure with lots of thigns to moeny. REally! siGHZ~ when it be me to go to germany..........

Cranky

2004-09-14T13:49:00.000+08:00

Is juz the starting of the week, and I hope it will end fast till the next week to come coz he is gonna be outstation tomorrow afternoon and only back coming Monday. Sighnz. Really, how much trust does a person deserve, how do we weight such things. Trough our gut feeling? Or? Never in any of the relationships I have I given a 100% trust or I will say even 60% of trust probably 50% the most. Guess if he sees this he will be hurt? angry? I dunno, it aint easy when you given ur trust to someone & he juz crush it as though it doesnt matter. From then is difficult to pick it up again. Yeaps is the past, but is just the fear within me, call me selfish watever but when you reach a point that you do not know whether you are able to handle all the negative results or not you will feel this way. I tried, and I am still trying coz is neither good by stay put in the same state as I am now. Is neither fair for the other party, nothing is fair, yes true but you cant be selfish not thinking how the other party think if he noes. I dun wanna be selfish, I m trying not be selfish.

I am starting to get real cranky, I dunno why, seem to be flaring up more than usual, PMS? I really hope it is the case. At least I noe once is over I will be fine. I trying to reduce the stress I have been giving him. I noe indirectly I am giving him a lot of stress, of being cranky not trusting him. Probably on recently he start to realise it, I dunno or maybe he knew it all along juz din noe how to response. I am really glad he sat down and told me he noes I feel insecure, or probably I shld edit it by saying extrememly insecure. But if he noes what I have seen, I may keep quiet not uttering a word, nor asking, doesnt mean I do not mind. Why I din ask at that point of time? well simple, some things are beta left unsaid. There are certain thigns I am also not ready to tell him, I dunno how it will ended be like, just take it that I am timid or whatsoever I am just not ready. He told me not to feel that way, I felt glad and really delighted when I know he noes about it. It does help that he sat down and talk to me, even is just a few mintues and that one sentence, it means something to me. At least for now.

Does past gives you all shadows that cannot be wipe away? Does it really matters? What if you cant? Does that mean is not meant for you? I dun wanna give up but yet I know someday I iwll be tired of trying. Will it be over before I stop trying? I dunno. Time will tell.

Tell Me How?

2004-09-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

Tot of changing the colour of the fonts today, to have somethign different. Well, its gonna be a fun weekend this coming Sat for me I hope. Is our "da jie" Chalet this coming Sat, and I have a cycling trip to go on that particular morning itself too. Thinking of flying aeroplane for the cycling trip as I have chalet in the night, juz so afraid I cannot take it by the time I go to the chalet that night itself. What should I do then? Anyone have any suggestions?

Been tough for the apst few days especially to those who have been reading my blog will sorta understand why. Trying to keep myself optimistic and cheerful, especially @ work. Luckily, I still know how to differentiate my work and personal life pretty well, though once in a while it had gone haywire.

Went out on Sat with Ah man, Lyn, Laine and our dearest Rara. Took neoprints and nearly being destroyed by our destoryer, Laine as usual. Tried to be corny by the "skills to take pictures" taught by Ah man, the " 1 2 5" AND THE "sICSSOR PAPER STONE". What does these means? Think abt it, no prize even if you gotten it correctly though. Poor Ah man lost her voice, runs to toilet at anytime that day, hope she is beta now, been abt 1 week or even more ever since she fallen ill, n gets a job quick! Laine, seem in the Honeymood period with Kenny, nice guy though, seen improvement in him from the 1st impression till now, Laine will knoe what I mean. Laine now seem to be a happier person no matter how, much cheerful and more active than usual, muz be luv makes her go round. Good for her though, juz as long as she doesnt becum like me. Sighz.

Confused on what I wrote above? Well is the BGR thing, I cant trust I dunno why, Lyn told me to give what he deserve, then can anyone tell me how to gauge on how much he deserve. I dunno how. Is been tough thinking through all these things. I really dun wanna think abt it, but I noe if I left it alone there , it will have no improvement in this whole thing at all. BUt think abt it I juz feel that I willc omplicate things most. I wish for simplicity but it seem so near yet so far to me. He doesnt know whats going thru in me sometimes I even feel he aint the one for me. I do not know what is coming out form his mouth is true. DOes he really luv me when he say so? Does he say that he will resist seduction he meant it? Childish question yet, full of uncertainty it contains. You will noe how such question can contribute much problems.

Went out on SUnday with him, he bought a lot of stuffs on that day, I bgt none. Was sweet as he bgt somethign for me, simple yet is sweet. But things goes wrong when I saw his mobile. COntains thignsi dun wish to knoe wish to see. Saw chat SMS that seem so secretive to me, cant help it to think that he did not want me to see it as he tries to turn the mobile away from me. SAw the first sentence saying " juz came back from supper" another" Stress? why so stress" all from different woman. Being too sensitive, then blame it on the fact that my sensitivity has always been accurate on such thigns, dunno why bad things I will always be able to sense it. All these reminds me on the incident that we were at a Pub in Orchard Hotel with his couple of frens, he called up this girl in fornt of me to tell her abt the ambience, first time there good ambience. Then He started SMS-ing infront of me, knowig htat is a ger, but I dunno who. Dun feel good but probably is juz a fren, but inside myself, I juz cant help thinking is not that simple.
Now this happen again, same feeling occurs, what to do, check his mobile? but isnt that a low-down act to do? Talk to him? Can anyone tell me how to start this topic by telling him " LOok, I accidentally saw your SMS when you were reading thru your inbox of you mobile, that there are gers names in it, so who are they, have u been cheating behind my back?" M I suppose to say such thigns to him? Or wat , "I suspected you are cheating behind my back by flirting with other gers, so is it true" Can anyone tell me?

Probably, jolly well just end this whole thign and all these will not be a problem or a question isnt it? Well thats provided if I can let go, n I wonder if I can. At this stage, I hope I can, is makign me too stressful, Really too much.

I wonder~

2004-09-02T14:05:00.000+08:00

Juz pass half of the day in the office, din do much either. Met some problems in the morning, 1 custoemr din wanna do pre-payment for their hardwares another upgrading of line is down. so much trouble yet it din affect me. Suprisingly, dunno why also.

Have a serious upset stomach for the past few days, din noe why my tummy feel as though I wanna have diarreoa but I just simply get it out of my tummy. Burps tonnes of time after every meal I eat and my tummy will start to toss and turn like washing machine. What can I say about this man. Seem like all illness are all over my body. Having rashees all over, luckily minor ones and cant seen clearly thats provided if you dun touch me. Luckily also recovering from it. THen now the indigestion tummy of mine. Migrain also coming back to me. Physically I feel old man.

Been thinking a lot recently, still teh same problem. What lyn say is true, it happen now it will also happen later. I have to learn to understand and accept everything. I tot I adapt to changes pretty well, but it seem like is not as easya s is said. I wanna be a INDEPENDENT Woman. I hope I can and I will be. But will the other appreciate? will the other help? I duno probably he doesnt even noe.

My mind is in a blank right now. I need to collect my tots.....

yawnz

2004-08-30T10:12:00.000+08:00

Is a monday again and I am back here to write my blog again. The reason is simply because I do not feel like working. Dunno why I seem so tired today. I can only find 3 reasons for this, first will be sleep too little coz I suffered my Sat in office the whole day. Second will be I din have a good night sleep. Lastly, My body is rejecting to come to work and oding some protesting against me waking up so damn early.

Have a full of event weekend last week. Sataurday was in office from morning till evening for some crash course for sales. early morning 8:30am till 6:00pm. It was really a brain draining course. BUt it was interesting and fulfilling for a so-called newbie in this real sales workign society. Learn quite a bit from it. Only problem will be too much thigns within a day where at the end of it I stop thinking and listening. After that went to meet up with my poly mates. He did called to ask me out to watch movie with his buddy but i promise my poly mates so I need to fulfill my promise. Went for dinner at Marche, did a lot of silly things. Waited for more than 30 mins to go in coz we have 8 of us there, tok extremely loud, and laugh very loud that even the people next to us start looking at us. Guess we were pretty rowdy? But hwo cares, most importantly we had a lot of fun at marche. After that we went Esplanade to talk, happen to be we were sitting infront of the boat taxi cum ride stall, two youngster were askign whether we would wanna take the ride. usual $14.00 offer $10.50 to all eight of us. Elaine was so enthu abt it asking us to go for it. Showing our Aunties skills, Ah man & I starts the negotiation with $10.00 instead, easily the deal was agreed off we go.

On Sun, went out with Adi @ Regent for a Branch buffet, saw this lady who is really skinny yet can really eat a lot a lot. she went at least 7 rounds, drank unlimited number of champange, drank all the fruit juices available and ate every single counter that you can find at the buffet line. I cant even fight her, ate oyster, salmon, sushi, omelltte & sofelle etc etc cant even win her. Heard that she comes everySUnday, who can eat the same thing every week? She is one weird lady, coz she used up 4 pakcets of tissues and one big stack of servettes! unbelievable? is true man.

After that went to meet him after the 5 days of attitue and throwing of tantrums on each side. Was late in meeting him though. Went Kino to look at books, was pretty cold to each other initially but guess after that we were ok. Went to buy some stuffs even I have no $$. Went to buy collegeus pressie at the VOxy medi n pedicure shop. even though it was a simple going out but we have lots to tok abt, and tonnes of fun. Went to fetch his mum at centrepoint off to his place. In a rush we were out again for dinner at Yishun Safra, a chiense restaruant. Ate sharkfin after for so long, but not up to standard toguh coz i think i ate more bean sprouts than sharkfin. APrreciate alot though coz is paid by his parents. Frankly speaking I was pretty full after the Branch that morning, but still ate as much as I can. Is rude not to finish your rice and food esp to his family as is a sin to waste food but i guess it applies to all families. after that we went for a walk there was this mini flying fox, had a lot of laughter there, where we start playing it. Din wanna to paly coz i was wear super low rise levis jeans, but was force to go up. Had fun though.

Now reality is here back to work now. *yawnz*

Complete Pissed!

2004-08-27T09:24:00.000+08:00

Is early in the morning in the office now and I am completely pissed off even only the day has juz started. Is been two weeks I think I had enough of everything. I do not know what to do yet also not knowing how to salvage all these shit in this whole relationship.

Everytime it reaches to weekdays, he will be cold and complete ignore me. I aint asking much here, I really think I dun. All I am asking is juz to talk nicely once in a while in the night. Cant meet me is ok, I am fine with it. I do understand he is busy, I tried not complaining in fornt of him no matter how it irritates me. What irritates me is that why does it have to be me doing the calling all the time. Why do I have always be the one asking whether will he be available or not. I kept telling myself that his job scope is like that which require him long working hours. But does that mean that I have to do all the initiation. I just felt that all these initiative is making him tkaing it for granted, that he feels that he does need to be bother with me as I will make all the initiative. I do not get irritated and start flaring up as and when anymore. All these accmulation makes me feel that he cannot be bothered with me.

I have yet reach to my core for all these things, yet to reach to the point that I am tired of going on, I dunno when will I reach and I do not wish to reach that stage. Whats worse is that is been so long only like two weeks ago he realise i am going to study in MDIS. I do not know whats the reason, probably he does not even pay attention to what I say. Or probably what I talk to him is just things he cannot be bother? I dunno, I hate to know the truth. Probabyl somethings are beta left unsaid.

All these have drove me to the point to simply heck care. If he does not call me, then done, does not call me out then fine, since i have no $$ for this week probably staying home will not be a bad idea. Do humans need to play some "hard to get" then the other party will noe what is treasure what you have? probably so, coz I was in the upper hand last time, finally learning my lesson that knowing how the other party feel. I learned it but can the other party feel it?

He is busy, sore throat cant talk, gave me attitude, not listening to what I say, if he ever reads this, yes it happen just yesterday night! ask you one thign answeranother, din wanna tell you coz it will create more chaos coz i m ultimate piss. Cant anyone understand me? Or m i really askign too much? Tell me pls.

Me, Myself & I

2004-08-26T09:08:00.000+08:00

Now is early in the morning juz step into the office not long ago. Got a new Handphone, not wat I really target, but it was some phone I wont mind having. Really like it though. COntridicting? Nope, dun think so.

Well, I have juz read Lynette's blog before writing this blog of mine. I juz hope she reads this, coz everyone of us which means the RSCEL team and Amanda has been bz with each other stuffs that we hardly talk and meet up now.

Is true that is not ez to fall in luv again with someone juz like that. I once fall hard, glad I was young and ignorant about such things, sacrifice made: Studies, chances to get to JC (glad I din make it though, coz SP DMKT21 00-04 rocks!) It make me lose trust to guys, theory now is never trust the man beside you, as the closest he is with you the easier he cheats behind your back. Advice to everyone, to Lyn: PLEASE DO NOT LEARN THIS. Trust is a muz in a relationship, how much trust I cant tell you no one can tell, you will know it when it comes. I cant do it but I am trying, I dun wan anyone to take my path coz this path is only making relationship tough and complicated.

Everything in life is very simple, even relationship juz that we are living in this world that makes us think too complicated. sometimes is the Yes n No but we juz like to think too much. Say is easier than done, too many concern to think? sound familiar? Sometimes thigns you dun think so much the world will be a beta place. What keeps me going with him now is simple, I dun wanna lose the chance, selfishly I dun wanna get hurt by leaving him juz simply I cant trust n also stay in fear in this relationship, is tough but you will go on go ahead if you really like or luv the person, I only realise it now but I hope you will not miss it juz like that

For you Lyn, probably LUV is a way too strong word for you right now, but if you LIKE why not try. Probably thinking you may hurt the person in the end? Well nothing is fair, I will also say you are being unfair to the other party by not trying. Unless you dun wanna try n go one step forward. Absolutely no one will push u up these flight of stairs, juz u urself. Think things simple, everythign will seem to be in place.

Past are memories not things you keep clinging on it. It may take long but is a matter of ur willingness to move, move to your next stage of your life. Treasure what you have now coz is precious and something God or anyone out there given to you and thats the reason why is call "Present"

What I said above is not only meant for her but to everyone if theres anyone who is reading this.

Cheerios! Back to Work!

Blues!

2004-08-23T17:47:00.000+08:00

Is Monday again, this week is gonna be one long week as instead of the usual 5 days work, it will be a 6 days work for me instead. Thats because there will be a sales training for the whole department this sataurday during the usual office hours. Luckily, even if I go out on Sat, I will usually go out in the evening so guess it din affect my plans (hmm... dun seem to have any anyway, so frens, date me OUT!). Encouraging myself as is something beneficial in the future for myself when I am 100% off to the working society. Is discouraging as there goes my beauty sleep for my weekends.

Well, what can I say, is a bad day though ended up paying $40.00 additional for one customer as I made him apply a new DEL line when is not necessary. I shall save the technical terms to those who are reaidng htis, if there are any though. Only condition that I do not have to pay right now is to acheive my monthly sales of $8k for this month which is in abt 2 weeks time and I am only at a $5.2k range. In other words, I cant imagine how much I Have to close within this two weeks. I see TOm cruise in fornt of me as I am in a mission Immpossible 3. One sentence, "I am so screwed"

Finally I realsie that someone looks at my blog, I thought it was my only place for me to vent out my anger and also my gradtitude when I do not know how to express it out. Seems like finally someone notice me. Hehehehe~ as always is the always enthu Lyn who is looking at my blog. Thats also the reason why I am always forever supporting her blog when I have the time. U know I really wonder is there is anyone who notice my blog other then Lyn. Probably I shld try gossiping here behind pple back to try to see who notice my blog.

Is been long since I start editing my blog background and funcitons, din have time to find out how to upload pictures. I wanted to upload my B-day pics but it seem that I cant. Cause firstly, I cant solve it which I dunno why when lyn alwasy tells me is Ez. Probably my COllegues always say, "Is the user problem".

K, shall stop my typing here. Lesser typo error as I check when I type. Grammar sitll as sucky as ever and my class is starting soon and theres no improvement. Whats worse? No income no job in Oct 04. So many thigns to worry yet nothing I can do. *sigh*

Restless~

2004-08-20T10:12:00.000+08:00

Basically, I am feeling extremely restless and thats also the reason why I am here writing the blog instead of doing my work. I know bad worker, bad employee do not remind me not as if I do not know. But I cannot seem to feel energetic probably the every month thingy is comign thats why.

Think I have been having PMS. But I dun think it overpower on my control of my temper. Talking abt it, it has really gone REAL cool compare when I was in late Secondary School and 1st & 2nd year of my polytechnic years. Throwing tantrums is no longer a previlege to me anymore in fact is something I shld not do as it consider childish and unreasonable.

Certain thigna are hard to control, just like last night, nearly quarrel with HIM but he kept cool while for me, did not do a good job but cant help it. Childish & unreasonable act on the move? Nope, dun think so. Those out there who know me, what will really prick me most is the attidue, the tone of speech. The story goes where he has been SO BZ (caps it as to show the bz-ness) where we have not seen each other for this whole week. Not seeing is one thing, talk is those, "Hi, you bz ah" "Yup" "K, den I dun disturb you le" "K, talk to you tomorrow" "Good Night" "Nights, bye" "Bye". Sometimes he has been nice enough to spend more time in talking to me even he is bz. I understand that. But does not mean he has the rights to give me attitude. It piss me off real much. Keeping cool is no longer a thing I can do, worse thign is being blame to throw tantrums. How can I take such malignation and take it as though nothing happen? That night I lost my cool juz for one thing "Bad Attitude".

I cant help being affected by what happen yesterday night, juz that, where in chinese is call "Yan bu Xia Zhe Kou Qi" that I m being malign for throwing my tantrums. Guess I have to keep cool, firstly no point thorwing a fuss over this matter coz it is indeed small matter. Another is that I cant really blame entirely on him, it takes two hands to clap for everything, I do have my faults, not putting into consideration he hasnt been sleeping well been doing work how does he have the time and energy to coax me. Guess is always my insecurity causing all these unnecessary worries and unhappiness. Juz hope I can overcome it. Well, Someday

2004-08-18T14:46:00.000+08:00

Wow its been nearly half a month ever since I alst wrote my Blog, to think that I claim on wanting to write a blog a day. Hmm.... seems like my resolution is not coming true (as if it happen before) .

Well, a lot of things happen during this period of time, been really bz. Bz with what? nothign but CHALET!! First was my Company chalet, was pretty fun, and I was totally drain out. Coz why? FIRSTLY, I was playing Xbox with my fellow collegues till like 4 plus in the morning and playing one and only game, a car racing game, not Mid-town madness another one forgotten the name though. Did not have a good rest coz others was sitll palying Mahjong. WOke up at 8 plus in the morning, went out at 10 plus to get the BBQ food, after that WIld wild wet. Tlakign abt Wild wild wet is freakign expensive @ $12.50 per person plus $2.00 for one locker. This is Crazee, but curiosity of the water games in there make me pay. WIld wild wet, no excitment no nothing. True enough, I have phobia with deep wate, but theres no deep water there for goodness, so no reason I will not have fun though. But is way no fun, I tot was worse than Fantasy Island but cleaner and lesser places to climb. Probably there are lesser place to climb is because there are lesser games to play. Straight back from WIld wild Wet, I went for cycling. Nuts right? Farnie thign is I ended up sleepign when I cycle and ended up bumping into my fren. Wahahaha~ GOt drunk that night though and became a Merlion, worse of all he saw it. Scolded the hell out of me.
WHat makes things worse got bitten by a super tempremental dog of a fren of mine.

Following week was my Birthdau chalet, Was pretty fun other then my Dearest Frens scare the shit out of me by using the popping Confetti on me. Cant really blame them though coz they do not I am scare of it. Tot I was a bad host as I cant seem to spend the right amount of time to the right people. REally apologies to all those who I din spend time with really sorry about it. Thanks for all the pple who spend the effort to come, THanks for all the pressie I luv all of it! Especially to him, spending his time with me and all the effort he put in. I know he felt bored at times, felt left out at times but he is still there. Fell ill after that, felt very bad deep inside my heart, coz if is not me he wont be ill for 2 whole days. REally appreciate it. But I doubt he read this and he sees this though. But no matter how, I really appreciate that whole weekend that I spend with him. NOt forgetting to my dearie frens, esp to lyn n amanda as we left them at lurch outside not able to sleep till morning 7 AM. SOrry was too tired to get up . Really solid BUddies man. I m bad in expressing myself esp in front of you all. Frankly speaking, I really feel very touch in what you all have done for me I mean ALL of you all, RSCEL, Amanda, Eve, CHeryl (Thanks for your tiramisu, Was a bit sweet for me thoguh but it was SADDUP!), Stettin, Vernon etc etc, although u all make me cry that day coz u all really scare the shit out of me. Lastly, Felix also for coming as I only inform him on the day itself and he came after his NDP training, Thanks fren, esp when I seldom tok to him when we see each other. OH lastly, Lyn thanks for the blog specially for me!!! LUV IT! You Rock Gal!

Last week, finally, reaching to the last part of these summarise blog, not really summarise though, is Rara B-day, Even though he din spend much tiem with us, leaving us at "lurch" hahaha~ Think he noes we Buay Pai Seh will self service in whatever we do though, so he cant be bother with us. BUT it was really farnie, make him drink some Alien drink we made that day, and he was really sporting by drinking it up. SOrry abt the part where ELaine & I lied to you about the Phone call. We re juz accomplices by luring you to a corner so that you can get ambush by ur fellow mates. Was really farnie though, even I pity the T-shirt we bgt for you. That was what we bgt for him last yr. Part of the gift, we Aint that CHEAPSKATE!

FInally no more chalets, CHalets are fun but is nightmare when theres too many, is freaky!! HAHAHA~ next is CINdy ... so whats the SAbotage?? Hmmm... we shall see~~~ It feels great when ur turn is over and is only u n u who can think of all the Sabotaging. WElcum onboard RYan! hiAK hIAK !!

Another Chapter of Me

2004-07-30T15:31:00.000+08:00

Yup is the time of the year. MyB-day is coming!!! BUT is also hole in a pocket cause after my birthday, it will be my dearie frens birthdayS and I emphasize "S". Probably good coz we can have lots of gathering and do tonnes of catchign up with different pple whom we have not met for ages.

Past few days been pretty bad for me though. Overslept for 2 days this whole week. Thinking something screw up in my alarm clock coz it simply only rings 1 hr later then what I set the night before. Lucky for me that I live near and very near to my workplace or I will be so screwed! But poor him coz I cant wake up so I din give any morning call. Hehehe..... but manage to wake up without my calls still so *phew*. BUT why din he call me if he realise I din call him! What the Heck! Guess it kinds pist me off a bit though. Is my fault not wakking up myself but still you know....... k shut up, to think back is juz a small matter lets not kick a fuss abt it.

Today I will have my chalet not my but my CO. . Hopefully it will be fun. Night Cycling tonight! been long since the last time I cycle REAL long at Pulau Ubin for hte whole half of the day and come back as a lobster. Never get tan which I never knew why. My tan was good after the trip but gone within a month plus or so I think. NIght cycling & getting tan duseem to fit into this pic eh? But is ok can get to lose weight why not.

Been pretty upset with the things around me. AS for what ask me yourself. Too many thigns going around sometimes kill you. Let you lose control in temper let you get work up over little stuffs and quarrel with pple for no bloody reason. Just get upset when start thinking through things. Tell myself not to think so much yet cnat help to do it. Past have make me fear too much not easy not be afraid of thigns to try it another time. Not I did not wanna try is juz soemthigns is not you want to try you cna try. Takes a lot of mentally courage before you can. Hope I can get over and pass this barrier that has been there for years.

Words for Tots

2004-07-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi is me again, back to my Blogger. Well, is juz the countdown to my B-day, can't wait for it to come. Hopefully it will not turn out bad. *crossing fingers*

Just read my deari fren's Blog, many thoughts came across my mind when I read. Things happen in the past thigns happening now. Relationships, Friendships & Kinship. Work, Personal & Family is tightening me up sometimes I do not seem to know where are my priorities and evening up my time. Work occupy 70% of my life remaining 30% I have to divide out to the other 3. Lucky me I have a understanding bunch of frens who withstand my craps and aeroplanes. As for Family, no understanding is there or I should say I seldom get that understanding. Guess is very difficult especially when our views differ so much. Farnie thing is I am the only "weirdo" in the family. I do know they care for me yet their care make me feel that they are tying me down. Seem like turning 21 does not bring any effect to them.
Lastly, my personal life, my pivt time, is never enough coz my pivt time means sleeping Hahahaha!! As for the last part of my life, hate it yet love it but is difficult to pass the stage coz untill now the word "trust" is the most difficult word in my life. I do not think is the OPP party, is me, the fear, the past, the hurt. Guess, afraid of getting hurt is the worse part of pple's life. I wan to be mature no more "stead" no more!

My Headache Is Coming Back!

2004-07-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi,

Is another day at work, seem like the headache just cannot seem to go away. Is been a hectic day today for me, so many things yet so little time. Do overtime? Is not that I do not want to is no point. Why? As a customer Service Executive, you have to make sure your thigns are done within the working hours simple to say is because, if customer is not aournd in the office what is the point to update them with their services, their contract, their quotation.

Just like today, I have two pending issues I am suppose to settle with customer where I need to call up to customer to find out their needs on their renewal and their special requirements, and I cannot do so as work just goes piling. Aint complaining, in fact I felt fulfilling for the past two days as I felt that I make full use of my office hours, ok even I do slack a bit for a while, hey, I need a break ok!

It may seem like I can go off early to home not having to stay back @ work to continue, is not that I do not want is no point when customers themselves have went home. I only have one pair of ears & eyes I cant possible handle two case at one shot. I have to make it clear I aint only have 2 cases infact i have to times 1.5 times at least. If I am not wrong about thirty over of them. Crazee eh? But is the truth, I am no exarrating. I have a war to tomorrow with one of my customer. Hahaha~ yup war no joke especially there is nothing I can do to help as is the maximum yet she is asking things I cannot offer. Lets pray hard everything will go smoothly tomorrow.

Anyway I went dinner with my dearie fren, Amanda, talk to her till we both forgotten the time. I promise myself to go home early, ended up going home even later then yesterday. Talk a lot of things, frens, relationships etc etc...

So wish me luck everyone. Apologies on not able to get the comment link up. I am still trying. Ok I will try again in the weekends. Dun make me think after work again ok? Oh here comes my headache again. *Damn*

Another Day

2004-07-17T17:57:00.000+08:00

Well, I miss out a few blogs, I want to mke a point that I can write daily, in order to improve my english, I hope. As school is starting soon, and the poor ger me, has a disatrous english foundation that even my sister thought that I have no hope. Going to take my Bach in Mass Comm. is not allowing me to slack or find any other bloody reason not to improve my english, read more books, of course the right ones, and read daily news. Hmm..... the third one I have yet start, all I do is to pick up a "Today" and scan thorugh rather then read every morning when I reach my office. Cause the words are so small, making me to sleep. Those who know me really well should know how difficult is for me to sit down and read. Hahaha~ hey it takes time to improve alright.

Anyway went to watch Mean Girls yesterday with Elaine, at West Mall, and damn the screen was so small! My $8.50 is not so worhtwhile and worse, this China guy, no offence just that heis so tall that he block a corner of the screen and he talks non-stop and loud. Anyway the show was juz like another "Teenage Drama Queen" , probably Lindsay Lohan can only act such tennage drama.

Got "fly aeroplane" by Elaine, coz she is watching King Arthur todya which I told her that lets watch together, apprantly she seem to forgot about me, the poor me becoz it seem like scandal is more important moi!

HAHAHA! I htink she is gonna kill me if she reads this. But WHATEVER!

The Story Goes on~

Bored

2004-07-14T16:52:00.000+08:00

Juz din know what happen to me today, juz simply becoz I din drink any coffee or tea today, I feel as though I was sleeping or stoning, in other words more than 50% of my brain has gone to the place call the Dreamland.

In anyway, after my late lunch at 1400 hrs today, I felt much beta, even thought theres a period of timeI started stoning again.

TOday waas a pretty slow day, another hr before I fianlly of from work. Hehehehe~

Went out with Elaine yesterday, got fly aeroplane by two people at 1 shot. Initially was suppose to meet up with my ex-collegue for some gathering chit chatting and gossiping, but she fell ill so it was cancel. So I called up elaine wondring if she wanna accompany me for DInner or maybe buy a pair of shoes since my brown URS Shoes is going to be a goner soon (but ended up buying a skirt @ Toss, kinda like it, somethign different, Lyn I noe you are my greatest supporter for y blog, will wear it to show u gers if i ever have a chance, aint no skirt for work, if I wear to work, I think my Lady Boss gonna faint or choke form her double shot coffee she drinks every morning.) SO our Dearest Cheryl, in case my WOrk Mates is reading this, nope not the ex-cheryl, is my SP CHeryl, cheryl, flew ELaine n Moi's Aeroplane be coz why, she slip and fell in fornt of Takashimya, Ngee Ann CIty. Cant erally blame her though, but juz cant help feeling I m being flew aeroplane twice in a row!

Unbelivable, we met HIM at paragon and ended on a "double date" hahaha!~ ok no no no double date juz simple going out o Geylang for Beef Horfan, Frog Leg & Dao Huay. FInally DEarie Elaine has fulfill eating her You Tiao with MOI after so many ocmpalins @ ROcher Dao Huay not selling You Tiao. ALthough the You Tiao was good, guess the thigns decribing it during our deseert session din make it that wodnerful. Hahaha~ Oh yah & the SOur Feet *winks* cant say too much or ELaine will kill me! I juz hope she was ok with the dinner yesterday.

I am still wondering how to add the script on how to put the comment link n pictures. SO pple do bear with it, if you wan to complai, comment, or whatever. Still waiting for my dearest Blog Guru, Lyn to teach Moi!

Headache~

2004-07-13T11:51:00.000+08:00

Currently @ work but my there is a hammer in my head, now I am some serious headache today. Damn~ makeing me as though I am having some PMS thingy.

It was a really bad day I had yesterday, Do not understand what did I do to offend the customers. Probably is Monday where everyone's mood is so bad till every small little thing seem so big to them that it pricks each other so much.

Damn N*F, hate them & condemn them. Collects Millions in a year yet is a never ending and never enough cash for them for the poor sickly people. I really wonder does all the money goes helping those needy pple. BUnch of irritating imbelcile, that they go so cheapo to an extend I cant take. So what you are a non-profit organisation, it doesnt mean you can go round telling pple you are non profit that I have kneel down on my knees to get a deal from your bloody organisation. I really feel deeply for the children very very much, but whenever I tot of the org, I really wonder if that was the case. Does every single cent go to them. We dun noe, I doubt they, the patients even know about it. If they do I will raise my both hands to donate if I can, but I cant convince myself when the charity shows are showing more greedy in the $$, felt that it may gone too far by takign the advantage of the kind-hearted pple in Singaproe. Never take pple's kindness as their weakness. Sorry, but I really cant have so much mix emotions for this, as I see them as my CLient, I also see them as a citizen in this Singapore Country.

Lyn, as for what I bgt for him I will tell you when I get to talk to you, haha~

My head still hurts. And I am an ultimate broke, anyone care to take care of me in my expenses for the next few weeks down the road?

Colour Of My Life 002

2004-07-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

Well is another edition of COlour of my life.
Ok, 100% full of crap.

Anyway, I have a wonderful weekend, thanks to my dearie frens & him. Yup for those who read Lyn's Blog, on Sat we went to watch the Spidey show. It was good, not really the fantastic kind. BUT I really like the fighting scence of Spidey Vs Doc Oct. I tot it was good.

The pub was a good place to chill, nice music at first but sux at the back coz is my killer of my life which is trance. Personally, Trance Sux Big Time. Lots of catching up was done, got ugly faces from my mum coz I have been out everyday ever since last tues, Coz i was in Orchard from Tues to SUN!!

Sun went out with him, wasnt that happie initially, coz he has been giving problems like attitude problems on phone conversation the whole week. The most irritating part? is I cant blame him coz he is juz stress up with work. Damn,that sux isnt it?

But I have a great time with him, although I have a BIG hole in my pocket now, no no I aint sugar mummy, juz that is his B-day. Though a pretty large sum, but the Fun and enjoyment we had was worth the value I think.

I hate Golden Mile, went there to have steamboat, yup a farnie place to go, but was good & CHeap, where can u find a place that offer at abt slightly over $10 per person, that is air-condition steamboat, that offers really fresh food? Due to the fact that they only accept cash, we have to go to GOlden Mile complex to draw out some cash. There were a lot of , I think, Thais & Phillipino sitting at the staircase and out side the complex, they gave weird loooks as though you were from some Year 2300 Era that juz landed on Earth on the island call Singapore. Luckily he was there with me. Was suppose to go back there to buy some thai food which was really good & cheap, but I was realy uncomfortable, so we enede up not going. Juz hope I din miss out some good stuffs.

Well is monday again, counting down to my B-day. Excited? I dunno coz I can have a major gathering with all my dearie frens, yet worried coz he might not be there as he may need to go for overseas trip. *crossing my fingers*

Life still goes on, n so does my BLog

Colour Of My Life

2004-07-09T11:13:00.000+08:00

Is been pretty long since I ever step into this Blog thingy. In anyway, As usual I am @ work. Is sad to have such worker like me eh? But I am glad that thigns are slwoly coming into place. Nope, is not my work but my studies, My birthday, and my thoughts.
First resolution will be study hard for my upcoming Bach where my parents n sister need to slog for 2 - 4 years for my fees. I have to prove it hard, REAL hard. Those around me have to keep an eye of me make sure I will be REAL discipline.
Second resolution, set my priorities fairly, and not causing any disputes. I will prove it & I will.
Hope all these resolutions will turn out positively. Gotta start building up my English, start reading, start changing, stop my stupid & unbearable Hokkien, (slap me f you hear it, but not too hard pls~) and cut down my vulgarities, which is gonna one BIG tough thing to do coz sometimes if ur frens (the guys) cant stop cursing, you cant help to curse at them at times.
Oh yah, another thingy, hopefully I will be able to go LA or San francisco for FREE! It will be exciting, but it will depend right LYN? Relax, juz wanna go on a trip oversaes, to leave all these stressful life before my school term officially start. Any sponsors out there? I will gladly take it. I really need a break. After graduste from poly, I havent really relax like I can get in the past.
How I really wish I can. REALLY.

My First Ever Blog!

2004-06-22T09:05:00.000+08:00

This is my first ever time writing this blog thingy online.
Tot it was pretty fun since a couple of my dearie frens has it.
Anyway, I am currently at work, desperately not wanting to work.
How I wish I can come to work as and when I want and not come as and when I am dun feel like it.
Is only Tuesday, this is so so unbelievable. Worse of all, my right eye is swollen again & I am wearing my specs again. And all my colleagues cant stand the studious look of mine. Hahahaha~
Yesterday, I juz went out with Cin for dinner at N.Y.D.C & it turn out to be disatrous. Coz the food we both ate was horrible. & we were toking abt how are we gonna celebrate our 21st B-day coz we did discuss it on our e-mail "chatting" earlier @ work. It turn out tha Cin manage to know what she really wants & I am sitll struggling to think of an idea.
Well I gotta go back and continue to slog @ work.